I don't know someone please listen!

[Deaths_Angel]

I am so confused. I mean I have found out that I have multipal personaly disorder. I have also just relapsed after being clean for almost 5 months. I have just been so stressed to the max. I mean I have never been so over whellmbed with shit. I mean for about 5 or 6 years I have become my sisters mother. That is a major task to take on at the of 11 or 12. i basiclly take care of her. Besides putting a roof over her head. There have been many time when i was the bread winner in the family.

I am now a senior in high school and I am being forested to go to collage by my mother becase she wants to still get child support or some kind of money from some where. I just want to leave. I mean I have been very bad in January. I have cut and it was really bad. I mean i probally should have gotten stiches after i had made the cut. I am seeing a counsaler. and I enjoy seeing her and everything. but there is still this feeling that I can not get rid of that i need to cut, i want to cut, i need feed(on blood).I dont want to cut but it has become such a habbit and such a need that i dont know what else to do. i mean I always need to have something that I can control and this is the only thing in my life i have ever been able to control.

I am just so confused. I dont even know why I am posting on here. I guess you could say i am just in a mood to vent. but I am not in an angry mood. it is just a bla kind of mood. So no one really needs to post back. but you can if you want to.

 

[Lost Disciple]

Well, I'd like to reply, but I don't have much to say. I just wanted to let you know that someone was here and did read your post, even though I don't have any advice besides: Just hang in there and do what you think is best for you, not what your mother wants you to do. If you and your mother happen to want the same thing... well, that's very serendipitous, but otherwise, don't worry about it.

It's your life, do what you want.

 

[Deaths_Angel]

I try to do what i want with my future. but my mom always gets in the way. I want to get out of here and grow up on my own. I want to be own person. I dont want to be controled any more.

 

[Lost Disciple]

I think I'm about in the same situation as you... so I understand how you feel. Is there any way you can take a break from home life? Go visit a friend or a relative or something for a couple days? If you could do that, even a week of freedom might allow you to cope better for a much longer time... maybe a couple weeks, or months...

But whatever you do, don't just let it keep building up. If you do that, one day it'll get to much and you'll pull a Lost Disciple move and run away from home for almost an entire night without letting anyone know where you, just to get away and have that sense of freedom.

Have you talked to your counselor about your continuing urge to cut?

 

[Deaths_Angel]

no becuase she will send me away. i dont want to go away. i dont wnat to leave.

 

[Lost Disciple]

Who will make you go away, your counselor or your mother? Sorry, I'm confused a little.

I gotta go now, sorry.

 

[Deaths_Angel]

both will make me go away

 

[Lost Disciple]

Because of your continuing urge to cut?