i cut again today, and i realized...i don't want help with the self harm thing. I don't want to be so sad anymore, but i'm happy when i cut. (you have to understand, i cut just so i can see myself bleed, basically, and then stop...after several little cuts) i feel like i deserve it, for being such a crappy person. at least this time. last time it was more so curiosity. what's wrong with me. i don't think i even have a problem. i'm just a freaking loser gah. and to top it all off, i was eating (saltine crackers with peanut butter and jelly and i hadn't really eaten all day) and my dad looked at me with such disgust. i'm so fat, gah. and i suck at band so much this year. why can't i be good enough? Why do i have to be such a Failure sorry, i'm just whining. and i miss ana. sooo much.