i don't know that i belong here...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bluekangaroo, Jun 26, 2007.

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  1. bluekangaroo

    bluekangaroo Active Member

    i cut again today, and i realized...i don't want help with the self harm thing. I don't want to be so sad anymore, but i'm happy when i cut. (you have to understand, i cut just so i can see myself bleed, basically, and then stop...after several little cuts) i feel like i deserve it, for being such a crappy person. at least this time. last time it was more so curiosity. what's wrong with me. i don't think i even have a problem. i'm just a freaking loser gah. and to top it all off, i was eating (saltine crackers with peanut butter and jelly and i hadn't really eaten all day) and my dad looked at me with such disgust. i'm so fat, gah. and i suck at band so much this year. why can't i be good enough? Why do i have to be such a Failure
    sorry, i'm just whining. and i miss ana. sooo much.
     
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    it does feel great for a while...especially when you feel like you have a reason..
    seeing red and going 'there. i've justified myself once more.'

    ...but eventually that feeling goes away...and you lose sight of why you do...and then it becomes a mental *need* to cut. it becomes routine.

    something like this.

    and i know it will. know how? it happened to me. after i said "that most absolutely will never be me." sure, it may not happen as soon for you as it did for me...but the trend i've noticed is almost exactly as it's described in that thread.

    to be fair, i don't know you at all and i don't know your situation at all but one more thing i do know is that the only losers are the ones who calls others such names.

    as for band...i feel you. i was in it and was always last chair. way too apathetic about it. i didn't have a real passion for my instrument...i played simply because i liked it. not because i LOVED it. have positive attitude about it! (o how that is easier said than done.)

    take care.
    .henry
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2007
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