I don't know that I can do it anymore.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Brittless, Jun 11, 2016.

  1. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I want to cry. Because why can't I be a normal 24 year old living an amazing, adventurous adrenaline pumped life? I'm 24 years old and I have a sickness that debilitates me. I'm trapped in this stupid body that is in pain 24/7, that muddles my brain and screws with my personality. It uses me like a play thing and hollows me out. When I think I can bare, when I think I can make it, it gets worse. And I feel like nothing. like worse than nothing, because I'm just a waste of space. I'm weak and not me anymore and I feel like just a damned waste of space.

    On top of all that, it has depressed me. You see these amazing people with stories about survival and fighting the good fight everyday. How they haven't changed and they keep their positivity. I am not one of them. I'm just a 24 year old who should have been having a good time for the past 6 years but instead got stuck with an illness. I think why me? Am I such a terrible person that I deserve all of this? and I don't know that I can do it anymore. I don't know if the fight is worth it.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, may I ask what your illness is? I'm very sorry you are going through this, I can relate in a way I am a loner and don't have friends anymore, sometimes I actually feel good about that because they had more faces than big ben but it's important to remember there are good people out there also. Are you on painkillers? I am always online if you ever want a chat, I practically live on this website. I'm 27 and i can count on one hand how many nights i have had out since i was 18, trust me you are not missing anything but I understand your frustration of not being able to do what you want. I wish you the very best of luck and hope you stay safe :) We are here for you, that I promise.
     
  3. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I'm missing the ability to find that out for myself. While clubbing or things like that may not be my forte I'd still like to go dancing and I don't know rock climbing, something. I just feel like a blob lately. I have given up on people and definitely myself. All I have is my boyfriend and my family. No friends either. I am not on pain killers. it is an autoimmune disease. Im trying to stay positive but... it feels like i'm lying to myself. Anyway, thanks for being here. I don't want to say anything too triggering, I'm just not sure I can do this anymore.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again Britt, never ever give up on yourself. A psych nurse told me that once and I was like ''yeah whatever'' but it's true and I realise that now. When we give up on ourselves everything falls apart. Please do stay positive and maybe do something nice for yourself today? Get your eye brows done or a facial, something to cheer you up and make you feel worthy again. I think you are very strong to even still be here with what you are going through. We are here for you. Can you not go dancing at all? sorry, i know nothing about autoimmune disease, is it for life or can it be treated?
     
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, we are YOUR FRIENDS and please continue to post as really care and want YOU to know that your are not alone in hurting. I am medically qualified but have spoken to a specialist about your condition. I am not trying to pry but trying to understand from your perspective. It's natural to feel down with a health condition and very much understandable. Please do not think you are a waste of space but in my perspective just a human being who is extremely hurting in pain. We care and we try our best to help YOU. Keep posting as it helps with the way you feel. Take care and be safe.
     
  6. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Thanks Unknown. I've just had a really crap week. I'm struggling. Its hard to be faced with an illness and then regular problems like doing poorly at my interview today. They said they're looking for someone happy and I acted happy but I do wonder if they could see right through my facade. Apparently unhappy people don't deserve a job or a livelihood.