I've suffered from depression and an anxiety disorder for a very long time. Feeling so miserable all the time, suicide always appealed to me and I was looking forward to it... except the tremendous guilt I felt for what it would do to my mom. She raised me as a single mother and I was/am worried about what will happen to her after I'm gone. I used to find comfort in my pets and a confidante, but they're all dead now. I feel like I've finally reached the very end of my rope. Honestly, half of me sincerely wants to die - I'm just so exhausted from being stressed out and unhappy all the time - but there is a part of me that wishes things could get better. It's just that I've run out of hope. One bad thing after another happens and it's worn me down. I wish I could find a way to cope better, and get a break and make some money and be able to take care of my mom, but no matter how hard I try, I still fail. I've been trying to get a job but with this economy, I haven't had any luck. I couldn't even get a call back from the fast food joints. It'd be nice if I could go to therapy but that's an obscene luxury at this point. I've even considered prostitution but I'm not sure how to even get into that. Since I spent much of my adolescence sunken into depression or having panic attacks, I became very introverted with low self-esteem so I'm kinda lost putting myself out there like that. I have no money, I have nowhere to go. At the moment, I'm staying with some relatives temporarily which is a level of hell in its own right. I'm grateful to them for taking me in but being here makes me unhappier than ever. At first I thought, "I need to leave. I'm going to die if I stay here." but now it's like.. what's the point? I get out of here and go live on the streets and be trapped there instead? I'll still be broke, I'll still be struggling to find a job. What a difference. At least if I kill myself, I won't be another mouth to feed. I know there are a lot of people who are in similar or worse situations than me who've found a way to make it through, but I guess I'm just not strong enough. I just don't know what else I can do anymore.