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i don't know what else to do...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by yoyo_girl, Aug 12, 2007.

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  1. yoyo_girl

    yoyo_girl Member

    ... the situation i have been living through has boiled over instead of just simmering.

    i can't leave my husband, but i can no longer be his wife. i love him but i can't love him... not anymore.

    i close my eyes and i can feel the air vibrating with the force of the air from his screaming at me and my "goddamned think skull." i can feel that fear creep up my spine when i would pull into our driveway.

    but i also hear the pain in his voice and i crumble. i hear the anxiety over the phone and i step backwards and say it's all ok.

    i can't stay in chains and i can't leave in guilt.

    i have a lot of medical problems and i would have a very hard time making a good life for myself. i am partially dependent on him financially... substantially really. without him i could not afford the therapist who has been keeping me alive.

    i am trapped for so many reasons.... i have struggled for a year now to extract mysellf and build a life... it hasn't worked.

    i can't be the target anymore
    i can't be the therapist anymore
    i can't be the enemy
    i can't be the one to blame
    i can' make it better anymore
    i can't run....
    i can't live in guilt and fear

    i have fought so hard to find another way... but there isn't one.

    i don't know what else to do.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    oh you poor thing. It sounds like your stuck in a tough situation...leave and be free, but have little money or stay with this guy, be abused and have money. It's like a double edged sword really. What about family? reporting what he does to you?
  3. syntaxerror

    syntaxerror Antiquities Friend

    it's so hard, leaving is hard, getting out is hard, being broke is hard - but not as hard as living with abuse and being someone else's target - esp someone you love that you wish would treat you decentl - btdt. If you talk to a lawyer - you may be able to get some spousal support or something.
  4. most places has help for wemen in situations like ur in. where they will give u a place to stay and people to talk to. talk to human services, seriously they will get u out of there safely
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Have you thought about going to couple's therapy? Could give you an impartial and helpful view of your lives together and stop these patterns.
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