I dont know what im even about to write. I dont see any kind of future for myself, any fulfillment. I feel like im just being dragged through the days, with no purpose, no happiness, no chance to get out. Ive been feeling really frustrated. REALLY frustrated. Day after day, after day, after day, after day.. it goes on and on and on. How can anyone live like this?! It would drive anyone crazy. I feel like I cant live in this horrible world. I HATE the human race. I think the world would be better off without all of us. I cant stand living in it, in this society.. Thats one side of my thoughts anyway. On the other side, im so sad and sorry and angry that my life has become this big nothing. I remember the girl I used to be, I had promise you know? I thought I would be something and im sure others thought that too. I SHOULD have been something. And it hurts to know that im not and I never will be... In my mind im planning to end this. Its hard though, because I dont want to die. I want a happy life, the fantasy. As silly as that is, because its just not possible. It feels like death is the only way out. I have tried to make myself a better life, but its just not happening. And that, of course, makes me feel even worse. Im a big failure. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wish I could hand my life over to someone else who wants it. And I can just escape. Gosh I dont know, I sound like a complete nut here. I guess its hard to relate all these mixed up thoughts and feelings. For whatever its worth, not sure what i'll get out of this post.