I dont know what else to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ShadowFax, Feb 24, 2010.

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  1. ShadowFax

    ShadowFax Member

    I dont know what im even about to write.

    I dont see any kind of future for myself, any fulfillment. I feel like im just being dragged through the days, with no purpose, no happiness, no chance to get out.
    Ive been feeling really frustrated. REALLY frustrated. Day after day, after day, after day, after day.. it goes on and on and on. How can anyone live like this?! It would drive anyone crazy.
    I feel like I cant live in this horrible world. I HATE the human race. I think the world would be better off without all of us. I cant stand living in it, in this society..
    Thats one side of my thoughts anyway. On the other side, im so sad and sorry and angry that my life has become this big nothing. I remember the girl I used to be, I had promise you know? I thought I would be something and im sure others thought that too. I SHOULD have been something. And it hurts to know that im not and I never will be...
    In my mind im planning to end this. Its hard though, because I dont want to die. I want a happy life, the fantasy. As silly as that is, because its just not possible. It feels like death is the only way out.
    I have tried to make myself a better life, but its just not happening. And that, of course, makes me feel even worse. Im a big failure. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wish I could hand my life over to someone else who wants it. And I can just escape.
    Gosh I dont know, I sound like a complete nut here.
    I guess its hard to relate all these mixed up thoughts and feelings. For whatever its worth, not sure what i'll get out of this post.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not a nut you are suffering. Your post is helpful in that you are getting the thoughts out the pain a bit. Others can relate i am sure. I hope you are getting some kind of therapy for these distorted thoughts and for your depression. Therapy and medication together will help you get started on a new path and help you fulfill some of those goals You need professional help you cannot do this on your own. Please get help for you because you are so worth the effort.
     
  3. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Your not a nut your just like many of us here depressed upset and confused. Like you my thoughts are all jumbled up I go from one thing in my head to another constantly jumping around from being suicidal and thinking whats the point to but if I do this or if this happens and then straight back to whats the point. I'm constantly frustrated with my life thinking surely this can't be all I was supposed to be. What have I done that's so wrong that I don't deserve even a little happiness? If you ever find any answers be sure to let me know please.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It's obvious that you are in pain,..You should seek out a good therapist so you can learn about cognitive distortions..It really sheds light on your life.. When My T went over the list with me I related to them all..I keep the list in front of me so I can look at it each day..Your not a nut..Speak your mind..We will offer support and what advice we can.. The main thing is for you to seek some professional help..Take care!!
     
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