I don't know what I can do anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ZCT13, May 27, 2014.

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  1. ZCT13

    ZCT13 New Member

    I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of my life. I never had friends I never did well in school or sports or anything. I'm only 19 and I can't even handle my life now. I've gotten professional help been on drugs nothing helped. Now my life is literally falling apart. I may get kick out of college I've lost the few people in my life I cared about my parents don't understand they don't even know. And the worst part is I don't even care anymore. I've thought about killing myself since I was 11 years old. What 11 year old kid wants to die? I've attempted several times but I this is the closet I've ever been. I want to die more than I want things to be okay. The only thing holding me back is what it will do to my family. It's not their fault but I know they will think it is. I don't know why I'm even telling random people on the Internet I don't know what you can do or what you can say. I'm past last resorts I don't care about myself anymore but I do care about them. say something besides don't do it every thing will be okay or you have so much to live for I've heard it all before and it doesn't help
  2. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    "Welcome to SuicideForum.com® where all may share their thoughts in a non-judgmental atmosphere."

    That's the sales pitch. Actually, this is a non-commercial site. However, you are still welcome here. I hope you find it useful. There's not much specific advice anyone can give here, other than to say that depression and some other conditions are associated with heightened risk of suicide. Also, a symptom of some of these conditions is one feels like they've heard it all and nothing will help.

    I won't act smart with you. But people don't want to die when they turn 50, or 70, or 90 either. Death is a part of life, but not the best one, I guess.

    Possibly school and other issues can wait, until you get to where you can take them up again.

    All the best things in life to you. You deserve the best things in life.
    ~ :butterfly4:
    Last edited: May 27, 2014
  3. overdue

    overdue Member

    ZCT - do not take this the wrong way, please....at 19, you have no concept of the beautiful things you will experience. College aged people just think they know everything about everything (especially world affairs and politics). Having had anxiety and depression most of your life, I'm betting that you have not experienced things you will find joy in. I never played roller hockey until I got in my 30s (and now im my 40s my knees are arguing all that wear and tear!). People go skydiving, even play kickball, well beyond the teen years.

    I can't tell you not to stress - I know how anxiety is (and depression). But I want you to realize that there are things out there for you that you will either love doing, or will even be talented in, that will surprise you.

    And at 11, I fantasized about having my own apartment - what 11 year old wants his own place? By 13 that morphed into wanted to fall from a window onto a black iron pointed fence, like the when the priest in the original "The Omen" got his arm impaled on the wrought iron fence fighting off the dogs.
  4. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    But college-age people do have a pretty good picture of politics and social issues. You do know a lot--I think people know almost as much at 19 as they will 30 years later. The only difference with getting older is learning that none of the issues get any easier with passage of time, and that you still don't want to die yet no matter how long you've been walking around on the planet.

    You state that you're aware of effects on people close to you it will have if you die. It's something to think about.

    I hate to bring up the idea of going to a doctor, since you've probably done that in the past, or maybe you're already seeing a doctor now. But serious mood or mind disorders aren't much different than the "physical" ones--the brain is an organ and sometimes it needs care that only professionals can offer.

    You will make your own choices--that is within your rights, to choose about your own life. I hope that you can get the best things in life, from the strategies you decide on.
  5. Mephitiz

    Mephitiz New Member

    I'm not gonna give you any advice, I actually hate advice that when I feel like that.

    It's really interesting that you're posting this right now though. Instead of killing yourself I mean.
    I just joined this site. For a reason. Like.. I don't know, just wanted... something.
    We seem to look for something. Maybe to know that we're not alone, maybe even naïvely looking for a solution. I don't know.
    But we're looking for something.

    With me, I think it's deseration. I know that I want to die, but it'll be all over if I kill myself. And then I can't go back. I'm still scared.
    THAT'S why I don't do it. Not because people will be sad or will blame themselves, especially not my parents (who were good, btw)
    With you it sounds as though you're alive because of other people. Like you're suffering, so that they won't have to. I hope not.
    But if you are, I can only say, wheter you kill yourself of not; you're a lot more of a man than me.

    I admire you.
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