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I don't know what I'm doing with myself and it's kinda worrying me

Cytrix

Well-Known Member
#1
About a week back, I had thrown away a job that I just acquired a week prior to quitting. I had quit under the circumstances that I wasn't a good fit for the job. It was a stocking position for a retailer that bought slow moving products from other retailers then resells them for low, low discounts in the store. They had a light way of organizing things in their store, where I've stated that it's like a consumer's dream where they put things wherever they want when they take product off a shelf and don't intend to buy it or putting it back. I've been trained by retail companies in the past to not regress my skill, but to develop and hone it better. In other words, I'm more prone to handle situations where a retail store has a better system in place and more of a neater layout. Where I was working, didn't really have a lot of that going. It broke my confidence down one day to where I just couldn't take it and I only had worked 3 days with these guys!

There's also the factor of how long it took me to even get this job - a year and a half. That's a long time and a lot of work rust to deal with, so you can imagine the feeling of just getting a job with a company that isn't that organized when you're more conditioned for a better system. It's not a hot start at all, quitting after a week of being employed.

But, here's the thing about all of this. I've had a history of these see-sawing motions in my mind where I'd get myself into things and overextending myself to the point where I can't handle it, burn out and then back away by quitting or so. It's a totally preventable thing for normal people, but it's too frequent for me. It's this mentality that has been a catalyst in caving my interests in, in anything and it's affecting my work ethic now.

Before going into this job, I had fantasized about all of the things I'd love to do when I'd get income. Imagining how nice it'd be that I don't have to struggle and wait on my father to send me support money. How I don't have to grind on Amazon Machine Turk to make petty pay. How I'd love to contribute to the resources of my apartment and help pay the bills. How I'd do this, this and that. The tall order of meeting and satisfying all of those things, was also in partial to probably why I had also gotten burned out the way I did. I wasn't taking things at a modest pace, because I expected a good chunk of them to all get sorted in time. I didn't have the patience and when I felt that things weren't working out for me at work, it collided with other problems. Thus, creating a tranwreck that derailed all of my ambitions to the point where I feel like a gigantic failure at everything forever.

Again, this is not the only instance of this happening. I really don't know what's going wrong. I feel it in my mind all the time and it makes me want to cry sometimes. About what it is, that's not giving me the mental strength to prevail and upkeep the level of expectancy I set for myself and to see it getting done. I have only many, many suspicions and lots of bits that could add up to the feeling. I'm just finding it too troublesome to ignore. I fear it's going to cost me dearly in the future if this is not diagnosed or addressed enough.
 
#3
Sorry that this happened.

Christmas may be slower this year, and there's more people out of work, but it may be a relatively good time to find a job doing stocking. Maybe there's some other place you could get into, and they might also have some work for you after Christmas.

Maybe temp-to-perm might help you try something out?
 

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