I don't know what I'm doing...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by wonderer, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    I just told all my friends that I may not be at school next semester. And I told the guy that I kinda like that I'm not interested in him. And then we had a huge long talk in which he was incredibly supportive and caring.
    Problem is I don't know if I'll be alive in a month.
    And I don't know where I'll be living next Tues., let alone where I'll be next Feb.
    So I don't want to be getting people's hopes up for seeing me again. Is that wrong?
    Because it feels so bad.
     
  2. 96GSX

    96GSX Member

    By saying something, it shows you want help and you don't want to kill yourself. I wish I had more to say, I don't really, I'm in a similar situation and I do not want to make yours worse.
     
  3. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    The guy asked me to come over this afternoon, basically told me that he's scared for me, that he's had friends try to kill themselves before and that he doesn't want me to do that. I am so f'ing scared that he noticed something was wrong...
    I told him I was fine, that I appreciate his concern, and that I am taking care of myself the best I know how. But I'm sooo freaking scared...
     
  4. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    What are you scared of, exactly? Are you scared of him ruining your plan (do you have a plan)? Are you worried about what he thinks of you?
     
  5. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    I have a few ideas, but no plan.
    I'm scared that because he knows somethings wrong, that he's somehow going to use that against me. That what I'm feeling is somehow going to end up hurting me emotionally now that he knows.
    I'm scared to the point that I debated killing myself tonight, just cuz then I'd be safe. But I'm supposed to spend the night at a friend's house, and there are still some of my housemates here, so I probably won't.
    Seriously, though, I have so much adrenaline running through me right now, like my entire body is in fight or flight mode, only there's nothing I can do right now.
    Rae