I don't know what my purpose is

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I am trying not to cry right now. I always have to be the strong one. My mom is an emotional wreck, so someone has to take care of everything. She will likely never quit drinking, no matter how much she claims she wants to. Then if something happens to her, I really will be left alone. It is bad when you barely have two dimes to rub together, and no one wants to hire you. And your landlord is more concerned about the rent than what you are dealing with. Like when your grandfather just died and the hospital won't release his body. Are they going to leave him there indefinitely?! Yeah, I guess you can't even get peace when you die.

    Whenever I think something will work out for me, it always falls through. A friend vowed he would help me, to help me find a job and a place to live. He said I was a wonderful friend and we talked for hours. Then he ended up giving my personal information to someone and letting them know all about me. I didn't know what to think. I called him to tell him I needed him, I just had dealt with a death. There was no response. He acts as if I am not there at all, but that is nothing new. I always tell people they will forget about me, and they claim they won't, but I know damn well that is a lie. It is as if I am already an invisible ghost.

    I try to meet new people, but they stop talking to me since I am so boring. Sorry I am not more interesting. I just want friends that care about me as a person and won't leave me. Is that really so much to ask? I know it is, because I can never find it. I am sick of reaching out and being met with silence. I am sick of being around, period. I don't want to deal with much more at this point.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hugs. Sorry that you are feeling so alone.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I don't know what to say because I feel like people just don't care either, so I chose to be friendless in life. I'm sorry you feel so badly...there HAVE to be people out there who are capable of being decent and caring, I've only found one but even that can be conditional at times. Sending hugs xxx
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thank you both. It is just a lot to take on right now. I am glad that I can talk about my feelings here and people will listen. It does help a bit to let things out.
    calvinandhobbs and Frances M like this.
  5. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Hey there.

    Sorry about your mom. I know how it feels to have a parent that seems more like the child and you more the adult. Can your mom go to AA? I think the meetings are free? I know it has to take willingness to go on her part, but with my mom if I ever want to attempt to persuade her to do something, I look up all the info for her so she doesn't have to do much and it doesn't seem so overwhelming. I don't live with her but when I did it was very stressful.

    I'm sorry but I just can't believe what they're doing in regards to your grandfather! That's such shit, excuse my language. I wish I could think of something to help but I can't atm. I'm sorry.

    In regards to your friend- he's an asshole. A legitimate, concrete asshole. There's no other way of saying it.

    You are not invisible.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Her friend said she was going to take her to AA sometime soon. I hope she really does go. She keeps saying it is too late for her, that she is likely already sick and wants to die. I can't lose her too, not now, not for a long time. Then I truly would be alone, and I just cannot cope with that.

    There isn't much that can be done in regards to my grandfather. Likely it will have to go through court now and we can maybe reclaim his ashes whenever we can afford them. It is just really not good right now.

    I don't want to say anything bad about someone who I really cared about, but there is no reason why he should be treating me this way. I was a good and supportive friend to him. But I often seem to attract people who just use me. I want something good to happen for once.
  7. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Sending hugs and good thoughts to you. I feel similarly, and it is very hard to deal with that unbearable loneliness. Also it seems to me recently that selfish narcissistic people who never give back to others in any way are almost coddled and beloved by others... what is that about?! Other people trying to do their best for friends and family but just barely getting by in terms of their own needs, people don't want to be bothered with them. I really don't understand.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  8. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Have you let her know this??

    I'm sorry. I can only hope things start to turn in your favor for that.

    Something good will happen. But... just don't let him bring you down. You are caring and he is not.
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't get that at all. The nice people get taken advantage of, and you almost have to be mean and ruthless to get ahead in the world. But I won't stop being myself, no matter what people do to me. I am sorry you are going through crap too. I hope things will get better for you soon *hugs*
    Deety likes this.
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, she seems to be dead set on drinking herself to death though. She keeps saying she should have called the ambulance earlier, but we didn't know he was dying. And they said if he died at the hospital, they would have paid for the burial and all that. We can't help that he died at home. It is all really screwed up.

    I know I am better off without people who treat me badly, but the more that it happens, the more I feel bad about myself. I want to find people who truly care for me.
  11. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hey Witty, this thing with your Grandfather really angers me. He's a VETERAN from his age I'd say World War 11 or Korea, there's no way some fuckwit in the hospital should be holding his body ransom for 2k. You need to get the media or the Vet admin involved and give them the facts, that you don't have the money. This man fought for his country, now they won't let him be buried in it cause he can't pay!!!! But it's okay to give your life for your country, this is what's wrong with this whole damn world, rule following Simpleton's that can't see their own arseholes cause their heads up it.
    Sorry it pisses me off, if I were in the States, I'd call the vets for you. Btw sorry your friend turned out to be an arsehole too, you don't deserve this Witty you're a good person, don't let them change you.
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, he was in World War II. I don't understand why the hell they would make this all about money. They said when he died, they would take care of everything. Now they don't want to help at all. We have contacted lots of people and explained the situation, they don't seem to understand though. I guess they expect the money to come out of thin air.

    As far as my friend turning out to be an ass, it happens a lot. People use me up and then they walk away. It's nothing new in my life, and I expect that never to change. I wonder if I will ever be important to anyone. Thank you for your support. I really need it at a time like this.
    Brian777 likes this.