I dont know what to do anymore :(

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by STAYSTRONG <3, Nov 13, 2012.

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  1. STAYSTRONG <3

    STAYSTRONG <3 Member

    okay so i dont want to sound stupid and please dont judge but here's my story:
    im 15 years old when i was 14 i started hanging round with the wrong group of friends and started getting involved in drugs/alcohol, im not gonna lie at the time it made me feel important and i just wanted to fit in. I was out with friends one night and there were a few guys i didnt know i got drunk and one of them raped me.. i didnt even know his name or how old he was, no one knew about it and i just felt so dirty so i started sleeping around, i couldnt have a relationship with anyone as i just felt so worthless and disgusting, my friends at school found out and called me names such as sket and slag, i just felt horrible and even tried attempting suicide. My close friends helped me get through it and i was feeling so much happier and my school work was improving and i had got my reputation back, everyone had started accepting me again. i was so happy and id stopped cutting completely then i went to a party, it was going well until i saw the guy..the same guy who had ruined my life a few months before.he got me alone and threatened me that if i told anyone what had happened he would kill me, i was terrified and said i wouldnt he then raped me again and even know i have nightmares about him. I had turned my life around and now it had just come crashing down. and thats not even the end of the story, i fell pregnant with his baby and decided to keep it, i told everyone it was a one night stand and i gave my consent, i then miscarried and i felt horrible, like i had killed my baby, my closest friend (the only person who knew) said i should be glad because of what had happened and it was probably for the best becasue of who the babies father was but i didnt know what to think. I miscarried 4 days ago and i just dont want to live anymore please somebody help me x
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    STAYSTRONG, I'm sorry you had this terrible experience. It was not your fault it happened. You are not worthless. If a person is drunk or high, they cannot "consent" so what happened was "done to you". I'm so sorry he came back into your life just when you had started putting it back together so well.

    The decision to keep the baby was probably a difficult one, but having made that decision, how sad that the pregnancy miscarried. You didn't "kill" your baby. Miscarriages just happen sometimes. Have you sought medical attention? It could be a very good thing to do, to make sure you are now in good health again. :hug: You could also tell your general practitioner about how sad you feel and what the whole backstory is. He or she might be able to refer you to a good counselling agency that deals with exactly these kinds of situations...In the meantime, know that you are very cared about here. You can come here and vent all you want. People will listen without judging you. Please, stay safe. :arms:
     
  3. TheCamel

    TheCamel Member

    No one deserves to go through that kind of horror.

    You are not worthless. You are not disgusting.

    Miscarriage can happen to anyone. You are not responsible for that. It was not your fault. It was extremely brave of you to decide to keep the baby, and you did your best under the circumstances. You're a strong person to have gone through all of that; don't let it all be in vain now. Like the profile name you chose, stay strong!
     
  4. listless

    listless Banned Member

    I'm sorry about your experience but now since you know who the guy is you should report him to the cops and also tell your family about it. What he did to you was a serious crime and he should pay for it. I hope it will not upset you but I think you were much better off that you miscarried, in fact you should've gotten an abortion asap. Imagine how it'd feel for the child to know his father was a rapist who harmed you.

    You've done nothing wrong, you were the victim in this so you shouldn't feel worthless and disgusting. When we're teens we're in a very fragile stage in our lives and sometimes it can have lasting affects. I have a hard time admitting that I was bullied in my teens, but it had a major effect on me. I wasn't bullied as seriously as some people have-it was fairly mild, but it still had the same impact. I used to be very happy-go-lucky, but after that it made me more quiet, angry, insecure and afraid of standing up for myself. My father was a bully as well so I got it from both ends, home and school.

    Unfortunately we're not prepared by our parents/teachers, etc for the harsh realities of life and get abused and taken advantage of by people with malicious intent. I'm in my 40s now and have largely gotten over it, but I think I missed out on many great opportunities in life, such as some relationships because I had a fear of talking to strangers and felt I was worthless as you feel. To this day to be honest, I still have self-esteem issues, but I try cope as best as I can.

    One other thing, and I mean no offense by this, but if you plan to get drunk, make sure you're not alone-always have friends keeping an eye on you. I just can't believe that some men would reduce themselves to raping women, but unfortunately these scumbags are out there, just waiting to pounce on someone vulnerable and weak or unaware. So I encourage all women to practice safety and common sense.

    I should add, don't let this situation bring you down or make you want to end your life. You can overcome it and still get the life you want-like finding a good man who'll treat you right and can raise a family with, you still have a lot to live for, since you're still young. Best of luck in your future.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2013
  5. Effect

    Effect Member

    I am sorry that this happened to you STAYSTRONG(Pretty nickname I must say)

    It hurts to see how much pain you had to go through(Rape, miscarry and such...)
    I know it might cliche... But I am here if you need help so PM me if you want to talk more ^^(I am good listener ^-^)

    I hope to hear from you soon :3
     
  6. carebear32

    carebear32 Well-Known Member

    I feel for you, Staystrong. I went through exactly the same thing. I was raped by a complete stranger, got pregnant and then miscarried. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope things get better for you ((((staystrong)))))
     
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