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I don't know what to do anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moonman, Mar 31, 2014.

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  1. Moonman

    Moonman New Member

    I've struggled with the demon for years and have had clinical depression since childhood. As of late, I'm finding myself more and more alone. People who were my friends for years, have been slapping my hand away and no one seems to want me to be in their life anymore. I have few remaining relatives, and I'm in my early 40s with no foreseeable valid future. I'm unemployed, I have no driver's license, no car, and no money. No one wants anything at all to do with me. My heart aches, and I'm overwhelmed with hopelessness. I honestly, truly, do not have anything to live for. I don't hate myself, I just have nothing in life. I don't want to be alive in the morning, if I'm just going to feel like this day in and day out. I've had counseling, and I've been on numerous anti-depressants over the years, but none of it has helped. I think I'm at the end, with no further to go and no reason to even bother looking.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Moonman i know that awful feeling of isolation and hopelessness i do but please know we care here ok. You are not invisible here You keep talking to us ok and in time you will make new friends talk on chat or post but keep reaching out hugs
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Moonman, pleased that you have found SF where we support our peers who either have been or are going through the mill in its various shapes and forms. Early 40's is a very common age for what's termed a mid-life crisis, (I had mine at 42) - and from experience can say that, however bleak and hopeless the future may seem for you now, that the future will not be more of your past once you have found new insights that you haven't met yet. I promise you that this is true. You may not know where to start looking, but I do believe the motivation is still there to at least try to find them, I did not know my new stuff either until I found the most fantastic counsellor imaginable..... I can PM you his details if you'd like, he does telephone counselling for those overseas :)

    INFERIOR LADY Active Member

    I am terribly sorry your suffering with all the heart ache moonman. I am too. I am slowly but surely losing everyone I have ever loved and still love. I lost my beautiful sweet niece and nephew, I'm losing my beautiful sweet daddy, and it is only a matter of time I lose my beautiful sweet best friend in the world my younger brother! I have and tried and am still trying as hard as i emotionally and physically can to go reach out to people in public and make friends but it NEVER works! I have no friends from my past in my life the decent ones i'd try to reconnect with that is, i don't care about the disrespectful jerks i parted with! I tried counseling and anti depressants and they don't help me either! Loneliness is a terrible place to be stuck in! So i feel and cry for your pain as i do mine! It HURTS and drives me insane. I wish there was some way to have local non profit or non paid mental, emotional, and physical support group meet ups face to face were all those who suffer in any way could get together talk, cry, and offer support, tips, and advice. I know how bad it licks to not have a car or license becuz I can't get mine, so it would be rather difficult to plan and make it to a meetup like that continuously. To bad i live in a small boring event less hateful bigoted town. I crave close companionship that can't be got online but I can't get or keep it in person so I'm stuck this route. I'll make the best of it and offer my support here and keep looking out there. I can't stand being unemployed too not earning my own income hurts my self respect and confidence. I looked for work and even got an interview but with all my mental illnesses and fibromialgya it is impossible for me to work. I am stuck at home all day almost everyday and it drives me crazy. I am in too much pain to go back to college, volunteer, and even go out and try to have a good time! I know how terrible you feel and empathize with you completely moonman! If you need to type more you can p.m. me or keep replying here if you feel more comfortable. Please do keep in touch?
  5. Moonman

    Moonman New Member

    I wanted you guys to know I'm still here. I thank you, who have replied, for your warm and kind words, and for sharing your own feelings with me. It does always help to know you're not alone and that others also suffer in their own way. I was fortunate to be able to talk to a really good friend of mine, who I first met in 1995 and who is the only one who even still cares about me, even today. I talked with her for several hours last night, and it brought me away from the brink. I will try to keep coming back here, and hopefully get to know some of you who are in such a similar place as I. Maybe we can help each other even in some small way. I wish I could say that my suicidal feelings are gone, but they are certainly not. I only live day to day, and I never plan on still being around as each day comes. I just wait and see what happens.
    @Inferior Lady You too seem to be in the same boat as I, and it seems like that boat just keeps taking on water and no amount of bailing seem to keeps it form sinking. Maybe we can talk further, I'm very guarded though and all of my defenses are up. It's tough to let new people in, even if they too are suffering, because I don't think any of us really want to hurt anyone else, we just want our own pain to stop.
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