I don't know what to do anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by look-whose-dying-now, Apr 14, 2008.

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  1. I always feel weird posting on forums when I'm new. :shy:

    The title says it all, I don't know what to do anymore; I feel out of control.. and I'm afraid of what's going to happen.
    I'm constantly depressed and feeling low, I've been trying to cover it with drinking and using other substances I used to be against. I promised myself I'd never go down this path like my sister did and I want it all to stop. Unfortunately, the only way I can think of making it stop is to kill myself. I've been depressed for years; and recent events have made it so much worse, and I just can't take it anymore. I have nobody to turn to.. I finally broke down about 2 weeks ago and decided to get help after I almost went through with killing myself and pretty much broke my friends heart while she had to talk me through it. I went in for an evaluation, they decided they wanted me in there 3 times a week. Well, they were supposed to call back with my schedule the following day (Friday), and never did. So Monday my dad called them back and she said she'd have the person I was supposed to see call me back later that day.. and of course she never called. This has gone on everyday for the past week and a half and she still hasn't called me back. It's ridiculous. So much for getting help, and trying to get better. Maybe it's a sign I'm not supposed to. I'm sorry for complaining to all of you, but I have nobody else. I have very few friends, and the ones I do have I can't talk to them... I've pushed everybody else away. My dad is trying so hard to be understanding, but he can only do so much, he's never home and I just can't talk to him about it. I'm scared. I'm alone. I need help. I can't do this, and I give up.

    I was never good at expressing feelings, maybe this was pointless. I'm sorry.:blue:
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    nothing is ever pointless.
    don't give up trying, you have made the first step which is the hardest, now just keep on putting yourself first, but please stop the drinking and hard stuff, that will only bring you down even more and cloud your judgement, it will never take away the pain or make anything better.

    the one thing i can say is find something that you love to do to take your mind off your problems even just for a little while.

    you will always find help here.

    take care and be safe

  3. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Look, I commend you for reaching out. That's the first step. No help can come to you if you don't throw a lifeline, and you are doing that. Keep it up because your effort to find answers will not be in vain.
  4. 2cents

    2cents Well-Known Member

    Hi there,
    just wanted to say that its good that you choose to vent off your thoughts and feelings here, it helps.
    i can't really offer anything except listening ears if you need

    take good care,

  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i went through a similar bureacratic tangle when i first sought help; my doc faxed over the referral and thought the hospital would call; they have some other procedure... and me... i sat at home feeling worse and worse. i was convinced it was a sign that i was too fucked up to helped, beyond help in a way, beyond hope.

    in the end i just showed up back at the doc's office and he sent me in a cab over to the hospital. turned out it was a paperwork mixup.

    why don't you get your dad to give you a lift back to the place that did the assessment. once you are there you can explain to them - in person - that you have been waiting 10 days for follow up and you are feeling extremely distressed. perhaps they can explain to you what is happening. bring a friend or advocate, 'cos when you are upset it can be hard to ask all the right questions.

    this is not a sign, please believe me. it is wrong, yes, and frustrating, and scary to be left in limbo. but it was great that you reached out for help and soon this mix up will be behind you. let me know what happens?
  6. Finally, got a hold on somebody down at the doctors office this morning. I go in tomorrow at 11, and I'll get the rest of my dates from there. They didn't really have an excuse as to why they weren't calling me back; but I'll try not to dwell on that.

    Hopefully I'm fine going by myself tomorrow, everybody else is busy. Hm.
    I'm a little nervous, my friend and my dad keep telling me to watch what I say because if I let them know how I'm really feeling they'll have me admitted. :huh: It's my first time seeking help so I don't really know what goes on and if that's true..
    Maybe there's some hope? I kind of doubt it, pretty sure I'm a lost cause. Heh. I lost hope awhile ago.

    Thank you for the support everybody, I don't feel as nervous anymore posting here.

  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    That's great, good luck tomorrow. I always believe you should be as honest as you can (not everyone agrees with me)... I think as long as you have some small hope, even the tiniest bit, that you might get better and you don't say anything along the lines of "as soon as I leave here I'm going to kill myself" then you shouldn't be committed.

    Sometimes the hospital is the best place to keep you safe for a short while, but as people will tell you it gets pretty boring, pretty quickly.

    I'm sure you will be asked plenty of questions, but feel free to ask plenty of them, too. Like what is their out-of-hours policy (say you have an emergency and need to reach them), if they suggest medications find out about side effects, how long till it works, how long they envision you being on the medication, and so on.

    The hard part was asking for help. It's natural to be nervous about meeting them but if they are any good you will be surprised at the support they can provide. Good luck!
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