Well today I had a huge eye opener happen to me. I was woken up at 3:34 AM by a phone call to my cell phone, now.. I am only 16 so I was like, who the fuck is calling me.. It was my grandma. Now before I go any further I am going to tell you what led up to this phone call. The night before, I was just chillin on my computer, my friend Brandon was over playing my xbox 360 on xbox live, and I was on ventrilo talking to a few of my World of Warcraft friends. My dad got home from work and was in his normal angry mood that hes always in after he gets home from work. He came into the room and started yelling about nothing. This turned into a huge fight, in which very hateful things were said.. The last thing I said to my dad before he went out the door to go to the bars was "I fucking hate you get the fuck out of my life." He said "I'll be home later"... I waited up till 1 in the morning waiting for him to get home so I could apologize for the things I said to him and when he didn't come home I just thought he stayed at his girlfriends or something. Now back to the phone call, if you haven't guessed it by now.. it was about my dad. He passed away. He was going 85 miles an hour down the highway, drunk, and spunout across the median. Now this morning, after crying from 3 in the morning till around 10, this girl I really.. really liked came online. I told her what happened and she said "Whatever your a lieing fuck" or something along those lines and blocked me. She did this because I had cheated on her before and she didn't believe anything I said anymore. That added to the hurt... Not only do I now feel I am responsible for my dad's death but someone I really liked and possibly loved fucked me over. I am writing this because I need some help, I have no fucking idea what to do. My dad's dead and a girl that meant a lot to me is gone.. I have no where to go, my mom has a restraining order on my because she's actually a true crackhead (I am not saying this because I don't like her, but because she really is addicted to crack.) and I tried to get her to stop one day so she got a restraining order on me. My grandparents completely disown me because I am a stoner, and my older sisters live out of state. Suicide has been a thought in the back of my head for a long while and for some reason right now seems like the perfect time.