So it's offically been a year since my ex bf raped me on New Years Eve. Throughout 2010 I recieved treatment from a psychologist who helped me a lot. My parents know what happened. Some of my friends do. Not many because they are immature or if I told them what happened they would think I was crazy/ and or "dirty". The ones that do know want me to press charges. I don't feel strong enough emotionally or mentally to do through with it. I can't even write down an account of what happened without clamming up and having a panic attack. Plus there would be little evidence against him because the first thing that I did after it happened was scrub myself red raw. So no physical evidence only my word against his. I live in daily terror of seeing him walking down the street or coming to my house. I don't want to go out and see friends anymore because I am scared he might be there. I was going so well for a couple of months and then all this happened. I think it was triggered by the fact that I have realised that my life will never be the same. I will never be able to be the happy person I was before the rape. I will always be afraid. I will never be able to trust a man in that way again. I will never be able to have another relationship again. I will never feel confident about my body again. I will always hate myself. My parents are sick of this dragging out and I am scared to ask my friends for help. I am scared they will turn away if I tell them what happened. My psychologist is too busy to see me and doesn't want to bother with me anymore. I don't know what else to do. Everything has become a struggle. I am becoming comfortable with the idea of ending my life again.