I don't know what to do anymore.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Fox in the Woods, Jan 29, 2011.

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  1. Fox in the Woods

    Fox in the Woods Active Member

    So it's offically been a year since my ex bf raped me on New Years Eve. Throughout 2010 I recieved treatment from a psychologist who helped me a lot. My parents know what happened. Some of my friends do. Not many because they are immature or if I told them what happened they would think I was crazy/ and or "dirty". The ones that do know want me to press charges. I don't feel strong enough emotionally or mentally to do through with it. I can't even write down an account of what happened without clamming up and having a panic attack. Plus there would be little evidence against him because the first thing that I did after it happened was scrub myself red raw. So no physical evidence only my word against his.

    I live in daily terror of seeing him walking down the street or coming to my house. I don't want to go out and see friends anymore because I am scared he might be there.

    I was going so well for a couple of months and then all this happened. I think it was triggered by the fact that I have realised that my life will never be the same. I will never be able to be the happy person I was before the rape. I will always be afraid. I will never be able to trust a man in that way again. I will never be able to have another relationship again. I will never feel confident about my body again. I will always hate myself.

    My parents are sick of this dragging out and I am scared to ask my friends for help. I am scared they will turn away if I tell them what happened. My psychologist is too busy to see me and doesn't want to bother with me anymore.

    I don't know what else to do. Everything has become a struggle. I am becoming comfortable with the idea of ending my life again.
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im sorry, hold your head high and know that you deserve to live, your a strong woman, that has had something bad happen to her but that doesnt mean you should give up and give in, fight for yourself, get mad.

    Please dont think you will never be able to have a satisfying relationship, you can and will, its just going to take some time to recover and accept what happened, it wasnt your fault, you didnt do anything to deserve that.

    If you cant get ahold of your doc then call another one, they should be there for you, have you looked into a support group, I know being able to talk about my past sexual abuse has helped me. Maybe talking to someone that has been through this can give you some guidance on what you can do for the process on getting along with your life, leaving what happened behind you, or atleast putting it in the past.

    I know this isnt an easy thing, but realize that not all men take advantage of woman that way, there are ones out there that will cherish you like you deserve, dont give up on the fight.

    Here anytime you want to chat. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
  3. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    If you are in the UK, Rape Crisis will be able to support you. There is phoneline support and you may be offered counselling and/or a support group.
    Samaritans are available 24/7 for immediate support.
    Don't let him destroy your life.
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