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I dont know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ajean, Jun 29, 2012.

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  1. Ajean

    Ajean Well-Known Member

    I've gotten to that point where everything that could potentially kill me, should.
    That overpass looks fantastic, the swimming pool down the street, knives, bricks, glass, pills, bleach, gasoline, a leather belt and the door jam. All of it.

    I'm so sick of hurting. Of constant pain. Of spending days on end laying on the floor just wishing I could either die or get better. And I'm not getting better. Not at all, not even a little. I might even be getting worse.

    And I'm so emotionally drained. I don't even want to cry anymore. I just want it to stop. To fall asleep and not wake up. To not hurt anymore. My god, how perfect it would be to not hurt.

    I've lost everything to this. I look gaunt and grey, my hands shake and I can't keep most foods down. I can't shower on my own.
    Things that should take ten minutes take an hour and a half. I hurt so much I cant even think. I'm not even a person anymore. Do you have any idea what thats like?

    I'm just so spent. I'm tired and broken and I'd just like some peace... Please.
  2. aimlessdrifter

    aimlessdrifter Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling the same :numbness:
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I am curious to start a dialog about what methods you have been trying in a quest for wellness. Do you participate in any peer support groups? NAMI has a lot of strength in California where you are. What about therapy and case management/skills training type of treatment? Do you have a plan for wellness that you are working toward? The feeling of being emotionally drained is one that often far surpasses physical hurt, so it's definitely a tough situation to overcome. Small steps on a road mapped plan and good support mechanisms are often the best means for getting out of that rock bottom location.
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Been down this road before and to be honest just getting over it again.pick is right ya need a wellness plan and a contact and those contacts should be at least once a week.Death isnt a solution wellness is life can and will become too ya yes there will be hard times but lots of good in between.Energy at looking at methods is best used on getting better and when the situation arises when being well ya can look back on when ya felt good to get ya through.But at the moment take those baby steps in getting well get support and use ya gp and also this forum reach where ya can to get well.We always here for support .Take care
  5. Psychosomatattack

    Psychosomatattack Active Member

    I'm sorry :( I feel the same way. Even when I start to feel more hopeful I tell myself not to get too hopeful because the inevitable fall will only hurt more the better I feel at the moment. Which is kind of sick, but I guess sick I am.
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