i don't know what to do. i think life is over.

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Forgive me for blowing off some mental pressure on this message. But as I sit here I don't know what else to do. I've just now come down from a pretty hysteric moment a few minutes ago after realizing that I was standing at the sink, knife in hand, trying to pull my self away from a pretty surreal situation. I'm 22, and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stand living. I need some help.

I don't know how to fit this story into less than a book. But I'll try to squeeze it into a few paragraphs. Life has been hell since I was a little kid. My father died four years ago. It nearly destroyed my family's lives. I found him, dead of a heart attack on his way to the shower, early one morning. I've never been the same. My older brother moved out the same week my father died leaving just my mom, my little brother and i. Things were VERY tough for the next few years. Financially, emotionally, everything. It nearly destroyed what was left of my shrinking family.

My mother vowed never to see another man. She changed her mind suddenly early this year. She met some guy, and two months later, she moved out, she married him, and she pretty much left my brother and i to fend for ourselves every way but financially before we even knew what happened. Now I know that's a lot more than some people get. And I truly appreaciate the things her, and her new husband have done.

But honestly, we don't like this guy. He's so nice one moment, and the next he's screaming your head off with a mortifying presence. But he says he wants to help everyone in my family move on in life. But it seems like he just wants to take my mom, and push us off. He always yells that we bug our mom too much, and that we rely on her too much, and that we need to stop calling her. All we do is call to see how her day is going! And somehow this guy takes issue with it saying we're trying to keep her from moving on in life.

Long story short, he, with little input from my brother and I, paid to move us into a shitty apartment together, and quickly arranged plans to move my mother and him to a different state. My brother's life dream was going to a university. This guy convinced my brother he could. From helping my mother with bills before she even me tthis guy, my brother is now overwhelmed with debt. A fact my mother has seemed to completely forget. He has very little money. Now, feeling my mother has taken advantage of him, abandoned us, and left him drowned in debt, and incapable of ever accomplishing his dream of college. My little brother proclaimed he might not be alive too much longer.

So in short. Tonight I'm completely alone. I don't even know what's going on with my brother. I don't have any friends. My mom is gone. This guy has seemingly alienated us all, and is impossible to confront. Before he left, my brother and i had a yelling session about how much this guy has, with the exception of kindly paying our way into a shitty apartment we have little money to afford, completely ruined our lives with his " plan to move us all in the directions we need to go in". I don't see a solution to this problem. It isn't "temperary". My family, after nearly thirty years of struggle, seems to have been whittled down to nothing. What could possibly come of life at this point?
That's a tough situation. Had your father remained alive, he and your mother would probably have gradually eased you into independence, but your father died, your mother moved on and you ended up in an unenviable position: the sudden drop into self-reliance.

An understatement: That really sucks!

<mod edit: Malcontent - encouraging suicide> But if you don't REALLY want to, just stay alive for the time being. Figure a way out of that situation. Look after your brother. Help him with his debt. Life will *probably* get better. On the other hand it might get worse. Good luck though.

Disclaimer: Please ignore everything I say. I'm an idiot.
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Thats horrible. personally im atheist, every1 beleives differently. myself.. i beleive when you die your gone forever. no darkness no nothing ur brainless heartless without ur brain u cant think. even though people cant live forever i wanna stay alive till the last second. thats whats kept me alive for the last few years.
you say your family has whittled down to nothing but there is still you and your brother as hard as it my seem you have to forget your mother make her have to keep in touch with you. just move on completely help your brother with his debts but at the same time dont forget yourself just keep going and things will get better even if it seems impossible now you have to keep going

charlotte xxxx
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