I'm stuck. I'm not rich but I am not poor. I am 39. Not happily married but sticking to it for the sake of my daughter who is just six. Me and my wife have nothing in common and we've been together too long (11 years). Work drove me constantly busy and I lost the timing to act on divorce. I feel it's too late now. She's not a bad person at all, it's just that we have nothing in common. I am scared of the prospect of divorce too. I mean I don't want to be single again. That's why I am stuck. I try to make the best of it but it just seems too cruel for me to waste away my life like this. There is no answer to this. Everyday I am bombarded with "I shoulda, woulda, coulda" way of thinking. There is no "kodak" moment, no beauty to unearth in our pathetic togetherness, I artificially go through the motions of "representing fatherness" for my child's important moments in her life (ex. birthday party at school). I think I can't live long because I am constantly feel like ripping myself to pieces. I don't drink, smoke, or illicit street drugs. But now I understand why people do them, pain is unbearable a lot of the times. I need something to soothe my mind so to speak. Coffee and Energy Drinks help, walking and people watching helps too. Psychologist/Social Worker helps. Videogames help. But I feel too bored and feel like living in a coffin in this gloomy seattle/bellevue weather. Relocation is out of question because we already invested heavily on our retirement here. Washington State is #1 for suicides in the US they say. I thought about drop everything and become a monk in far east asia. I just want to get away from all these. I've suffered long enough. I wish I could pay someone to kill me, heck I don't even know how to go about finding a street drug dealer, let alone finding a contract killer to put me out of misery. I don't want to do this myself because I might fail and I would end up worse off than before the attempt. Odds are I might be able to live till I am 80. That means I am only half way there. What am I gonna do with next 40 years? Yuck! Life sucks.