I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by onefivesix, Feb 2, 2013.

  1. onefivesix

    onefivesix Member

    Everything feels terrible.

    I'm just coming off of a big dose of fluoxetine because it wasn't working in the right way, and now I can't stop crying. I haven't been to my therapist for two weeks (supposed to go once a week) because when I go I feel like I can't think of enough to talk about and I feel like a waste of time, or that someone else deserves the time.

    But now I can't stop crying and sort of realising why this bout of depression, that hit badly from like last summer, happened. There were too many changes in my life at once and I couldn't handle them. I was really doing well at uni and now I am doing terribly. I had to move into a new flat, after my very close friend K suddenly decided he wanted to move out. Several close friends graduated and left and now I feel so alone.

    I confessed my love to my best friend P last summer and he moved away as he had finished school. And it was too painful to speak to him or see him with his new girlfriend.

    But it's like I lost a limb and now there is nothing left to fill the space. Phil was the person I could tell everything to. We did everything together. We supported each other in all of our endeavours. We talked about everything, big and small. We spoke openly about depression and our difficulties, we were inseparable. But he could only see me as a friend and now I don't even have that.

    I've been on meds the whole time since before he and I stopped talking. And I think I haven't really dealt with this yet, and now I'm off the meds loads of feelings are coming back. And I feel like I'm grieving.

    I don't know what to do.
     
  2. onefivesix

    onefivesix Member

    and the worst thing is I was depressed when I met him, but through his support and with our conversations I was beginning to build myself up a bit, I was starting to work things through. and now it's like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think hun you need to go back to your doctor and get some supports in place so your depression can be dealt with. You talk to councilor at your school ok get some help so your grades improve You concentrate on your schooling now ok Put yourself into that frame of mind You will meet someone else hun I know you don't thinks so but you will lst thing get some help ok don't fight this alone hugs
     
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Onefivesix, you *are* grieving. As you say you partly realise that there were events which understandably triggered your last bout of depression. We all need some one to share our feelings with. One of the uses of this site is when we have difficulty doing so for whatever reason. If you had established a good relationship or felt you could do go back to your therapist. Consider speaking to your personal tutor (if they're still called that) the Uni Counselling service or the Chaplaincy. You don't need to be a member of a faith to seek support from the latter. Build on the insights you have found and get as much support of the type you are comfortable with as you can.