Everything feels terrible. I'm just coming off of a big dose of fluoxetine because it wasn't working in the right way, and now I can't stop crying. I haven't been to my therapist for two weeks (supposed to go once a week) because when I go I feel like I can't think of enough to talk about and I feel like a waste of time, or that someone else deserves the time. But now I can't stop crying and sort of realising why this bout of depression, that hit badly from like last summer, happened. There were too many changes in my life at once and I couldn't handle them. I was really doing well at uni and now I am doing terribly. I had to move into a new flat, after my very close friend K suddenly decided he wanted to move out. Several close friends graduated and left and now I feel so alone. I confessed my love to my best friend P last summer and he moved away as he had finished school. And it was too painful to speak to him or see him with his new girlfriend. But it's like I lost a limb and now there is nothing left to fill the space. Phil was the person I could tell everything to. We did everything together. We supported each other in all of our endeavours. We talked about everything, big and small. We spoke openly about depression and our difficulties, we were inseparable. But he could only see me as a friend and now I don't even have that. I've been on meds the whole time since before he and I stopped talking. And I think I haven't really dealt with this yet, and now I'm off the meds loads of feelings are coming back. And I feel like I'm grieving. I don't know what to do.