I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cece12598, Apr 1, 2013.

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  1. cece12598

    cece12598 New Member

    I always think about killing myself. But I'm a Christian so I feel that if I do it my soul will burn in hell. But then again I think that if god is real then why does he do this to me? My life is terrible nobody would ever want my life! I hate myself and I feel that my mom doesn't care about me. I have a couple of friends but I wouldn't dare tell them I'm suicidal because I don't know what they'll think of me. I've told my mom many times that I want to kill myself but she never takes it serious she just ignores me. I feel she won't ever take it seriously until I do it forreal. Some days I feel happy and others I get into my feelings. I feel like I'm a waist of oxygen and space so why am I still here? I want to kill myself but at the same time I hope that something kills me instead. I feel that if I don't my life will get better some day but it never does! Nobody really knows how I feel. Not even my own family. I'm scared to tell anybody I don't want no one to ever use it against me or look at me differently. I just want a friend to talk to that shares the same problem as me. I'm a teenager ..
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You say noone really knows how you feel hun even your family yet your mother knows You said she does not take you seriously. Perhaps hun you can talk to a teacher or councilor at your school they would listen and take you seriously they would get you the support you need perhaps therapy to help you not feel so low hun
  3. cece12598

    cece12598 New Member

    Hell no I will never tell my school my business that's the last place I'll ever go!!!
  4. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Life is a struggle ~ anything in particular getting you down or is it everything?
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Glad you are here Cece. You honestly are not alone when you are here. Because there will always be people here who have felt the same things you are feeling. Maybe not exactly the same. Because we each have a different mom and went, or go to a different school. But still you will find so many people here who will have felt the same kind of things,. eg: I used to think I was people pollution. I still feel like I am taking up space. And no, I cannot talk to people irl about how i feel. So many people here cannot and will not do that. Perhaps many have tried and it didnt go too well. Others here havd found that there are one or two people irl who actually do "get it" when they explain to them how things really are. For other people who come here, they do not have people irl who know how bad it is for them.

    Like you, I also because of spiritual beliefs cannot take my life. It doesnt change that I want to. But I cannot do it because of that. So you see, this is a palce where you may find people who feel as you do. Who know what it feels like to be in similar circumstances. That means that you will not be so alone anymore. I am sorry that your mom does not believe you. But I do believe your pain. I know it is real. And everyone here will know it is real.

    I want to let you know that the depths of pain always come with a heaping helping of feeling alone. Pain is such an alone place to be. But being here can feel less alone. Because you CAN safely talk here. No one will reject you. Whatever you want to talk about here, whenever you want to talk about it. That will be okay. Just do everything in your power to make sure you stay alive. This is the most important thing.
  6. cece12598

    cece12598 New Member

    Thanks! Message me on here I don't know how to do it.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Cece, I messaged you. And I think its great to keep posting on the forum also. So you can meet as many people as possible, if you know what i mean. I want to maximize your chances for lots of support :) You really deserve as many support people as possible
  8. debola

    debola New Member

    Hello Cece,
    I understand how you feel, especially relating to how you're afraid of committing suicide because your afraid of going to hell. I have been feeling the same way for years. In my case i can't tell anyone because i feel like too proud and don't want to be seen as looking for attention or drag gin someone else into my own problems.

    WHy do you hate yourself?. Things you've done?. things you do?. what is it about yourself that you hate?. I'm new to this forum as well so i don't know if you could message me if you can't write these things here. From what I've read this is all i can say:

    Sometimes things seem tough and horrible because of where you are and the situation you put yourself in. I was depressed throughout college because i hung out with a lot of guys who talked about nothing but girls 24/7 (I'm gay). I was enrolled in a course i had no passion for. Everything looked bleak and i was constantly in a sad mood. However one day i travelled for a convention. I met up with an old friend and hung out with his group of friends. We talked about everything and nothing and i was shocked at home much fun i had and how good my mood was. They were all similar to me and we got along so well. Sometimes where you are may just not be right for you. Trying putting yourself in new situations, meeting new people and getting new loved ones.
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