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I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AspireToNothingness, May 28, 2013.

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  1. AspireToNothingness

    AspireToNothingness New Member

    I don't know how to start this post. I'm confused, and from my confusion falls all else.

    I can't remember the last time I've felt anything but pain.

    There's a rock far, far out in ocean. On this rock you will see me. If you look close enough, hard enough, you will see that I don't sit or stand on this rock. I'm clutching it. Its surface is smooth, but if you look harder still you will see where I've tried to climb it. The small holes where my fingers once found purchase are now smooth, worn away. The will I once had to chip away new ones is gone. My sense of defiance, my anger, at a world that seems to scream at me with silence, once fueled me, but doesn't any longer. I can feel my hold slipping. I want it to slip. I want to drift on those waters, feel the oblivion enter me and undo all of the hurt.

    But I can't.

    I have a daughter.

    But what can I provide to her? A broken father? A heartless beast that carries nothing but death in his heart?

    What kind of life can I provide when I want to give up my own?

    My only fear is that I've passed on whatever wretched genetics make me this way, and if I leave, who will understand her?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorryyou are suffering so hun. Have you reached out to anyone your doctor to get help to fight hun. It is too hard to fight depression alone so please hun reach out to any supports you have ok. No one i mean no one can love your daughter more then you so i do hope hun you do hold on You hold on to her smile her hugs ok her love for you
  3. cant think

    cant think Member

    Sir, you need to trust me on this, if you love your daughter, then you are something she needs, I am 18 and I haven't had any contact except a few phone calls with my own father in 8 years now, and I haven't turned out what people would call successful, your daughter needs you to be strong, but remember true strength is being able to ask for help when it's needed, and it sounds like you need it, if you want someone to talk to about lifes struggles you can send me a message, because I understand depression, I've been depressed for years, and I know how bad it is, but I also know there are good things in even the most dismal circumstances, and I can help you feel better if you let me. You are not alone, always remember that you will always have people here to help you.
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