I don't know what to do...!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Cooki, Aug 30, 2014.

  1. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Was at my boyfriend's yesterday. Planned on leaving him then, so I would be able to tell him face to face and comfort him a bit. Buuut then he gave me a belated birthdaypresent. And I can't leave him when he just gave me a present, can I? So I didn't leave him once again ....'^^ But I don't want to lie so when I go to bed and he texts me "I love you" and goodnight and so, I just send a smiley back to him. I don't feel anything for him... But I don't want to hurt him because I feel like he's weak and won't take it very well.
    Well, today he's realised that I didn't write that I love him. He said that he has a stomach ache because he's "an idiot and affraid now because you didn't reply to that... Sorry..." ........ I don't want to leave him now, since he's starting to work on Monday and I guess I would ruin his already low motivation.
    His family makes it even harder for me to hurt him, because they seem to care for me... I mean, it was his mother who brought me to the hospital after my last attempt. And she hugged me yesterday when wishing me a happy birthday and she gave me a box of cookies.... His sister, well, I don't really like her because she hated me when we met earlier in life. But she doesn't remember and she's turned into a person like those at the school's library (our school's library is kind of a scene-place :D every scene person at school ends up there after more or less time ^^) so she's okay.

    I just feel like waiting for the summerholidays to end. Then I can meet my ex at school again. Tell him about my problems face to face, since he often doesn't check his messages and won't answer a day later. I miss him :/ I'm still not over him and I probably will never be. But it doesn't hurt anymore. I guess it will hurt when he has another girlfriend. But I promised not to be hurt if he finds another girl.
     
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    You could have just not taken the presents and told him the truth. My ex's family seemingly loved me too for some reason, and he even tried using that to make me feel guilty, saying that they would be upset and miss me, but seeing as how my ex was a complete douche, I got over that.
     
  3. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    My boyfriend isn't that bad, that's my problem... I just don't feel anything for him anymore :/ it's not his fault....
     
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    From what I remember you saying in your other post, he ignores you, prefers to play video games instead of paying attention to you, and when you ask him to come over he asks you why. That's a douche in my book.
     
  5. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I've broken up with him today... On his first working day. He told me afterwards that he was only able to get up this morning because he knew he would come here afterwards. And I know he means it... I feel so bad right now... He's so sad and stuff :/ And I know he went depressive and suicidal after his first girlfriend had broken up with him.... He also said that he doesn't know what he's going to do if he sees "the red one in another guy's arms"... I'm feeling so bad..... I'm so affraid he's probably crying himself to sleep right now.... I don't want him to cry... It's so sad to see someone cry, most of all when it's a person who had always pretend to be strong for me.... :(
     
  6. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    You did the right thing. At least now the truth is out in the open and you can both finally move on with your lives. And it's like I said before, it's normal for people to cry or be depressed after a break-up. But if it's to the point where he's suicidal and you think he could do something to really hurt himself, you need to tell somebody. From what you said before, his mom sounds nice, so confide in her about it. I'm sure she would want to know if something like that is going on with her son so that she can help. Just so it's stated, though, I guarantee you he will get over it in time. You said he was depressed and suicidal after his last break-up, but apparently he got over that one, so he can get over this one just the same. To tell you the truth, if I've been with someone for a long time and it was serious, I am absolutely terrible at handling a break-up. Even if I'm the one who broke up with the person, I still get extremely depressed and want to hurt myself. When I was going through my last break-up, I couldn't stop crying for days, relapsed on heroin again after staying clean for 5 months, thought about killing myself with that very heroin, OD'd on like 30 benzos and muscle relaxers and ended up in the hospital...it was an extremely difficult thing for me to get over because we were together for a little over 2 years and I was engaged to him. But despite all of that, I did end up meeting my current husband later on and I did get over him. No matter how bad it may feel at the time, it's not going to last forever, it does get better with time. But like I said, if it seems like he's going to do something stupid and hurt himself, do tell his mom about it so she can be aware and get him help.
     
  7. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    His mum always knows everything that's going on in his mind. She'd know when he was up to kill himself. He wouldn't though, from what I know he's too scared it possibly won't work out the way he planned. He doesn't hurt himself either, because he's affraid someone could see it and that'd worry his mother. I'm not sad anymore, I stopped being sad one day after the break-up. Because I don't need him. I only care too much so that I feel bad when he feels bad because to me it feels like I failed in keeping him happy if you know what I mean. Of course I could just leave him alone with his feelings and move on, because we're basically never going to meet again in life since the only place I meet people is at school. I could just throw him out if my life and I wouldn't have to care because it wouldn't change anything in my life. But I care too much to leave him all alone in this cruel world...
     
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    The world isn't all that cruel...well, not everyone in it, at least. Some people maybe, but you can find people who aren't, just the same.
     
  9. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    But it's so hard to find people that are friendly enough not to push me off the rim....
     
  10. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I hear you. I feel the same way a lot of the time, that's why I never really bothered trying to make any friends since middle school. I was just trying to say that not all people are bad/cruel. But whether they'd be decent friends is a whole different issue.
     
  11. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hi, I don't have any experience in romantic relationships, but I did like a girl before. I just felt she was out of my league, and did not make any real attempts to get to know her. I last heard she's happily married and am glad to hear that.

    I feel the same way about people too, however, after a long, long time (actually like a few days ago), I realised I too played a part in how most situations actually developed and I may not have exercised the right choice in interpreting what actually happened. What I am trying to say is, we are humans and we are not perfect. If we think we have been friendly to people all our lives, it doesn't necessarily mean we would definitely meet people who would respond in kind. We can only continue to improve on ourselves. We can only do our best to reflect upon feedbacks or criticisms, and move on slowly to be a better person than who we are now.

    Take care.
     
  12. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Asphyxiate: I've stopped trying to make friends just after 5th grade. I realized that all the people are just cruel then. In 8th grade I met a girl who actually was different than everyone else. She was really nice and tried to make me think more positive, which I did. Then she went back to where she'd came from and I was completely alone again. She's the reason why I met my ex and the previous ex of mine. So if I hadn't started to believe that there are also friendly people I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

    Snogo: You are right, one can't change everyone the world, but one can start changing themself. I tried to change me over and over again, believing my brother was right ("If everyone around you is dumb or awful, then it actually is you."). But my teachers all said that I should not change, because they're happy I'm not like the others. They told me that some day when we're adults they will all have to change themselves and I can stay myself because I'm grown-up and really friendly already.
     
  13. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    That's a kind encouragement and affirmation from your teachers back then. I wish I had teachers like that. Glad to hear that you have had good memories when you were in school.