Was at my boyfriend's yesterday. Planned on leaving him then, so I would be able to tell him face to face and comfort him a bit. Buuut then he gave me a belated birthdaypresent. And I can't leave him when he just gave me a present, can I? So I didn't leave him once again ....'^^ But I don't want to lie so when I go to bed and he texts me "I love you" and goodnight and so, I just send a smiley back to him. I don't feel anything for him... But I don't want to hurt him because I feel like he's weak and won't take it very well. Well, today he's realised that I didn't write that I love him. He said that he has a stomach ache because he's "an idiot and affraid now because you didn't reply to that... Sorry..." ........ I don't want to leave him now, since he's starting to work on Monday and I guess I would ruin his already low motivation. His family makes it even harder for me to hurt him, because they seem to care for me... I mean, it was his mother who brought me to the hospital after my last attempt. And she hugged me yesterday when wishing me a happy birthday and she gave me a box of cookies.... His sister, well, I don't really like her because she hated me when we met earlier in life. But she doesn't remember and she's turned into a person like those at the school's library (our school's library is kind of a scene-place every scene person at school ends up there after more or less time ^^) so she's okay. I just feel like waiting for the summerholidays to end. Then I can meet my ex at school again. Tell him about my problems face to face, since he often doesn't check his messages and won't answer a day later. I miss him :/ I'm still not over him and I probably will never be. But it doesn't hurt anymore. I guess it will hurt when he has another girlfriend. But I promised not to be hurt if he finds another girl.