I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by souncide, Oct 31, 2014.

  1. souncide

    souncide Well-Known Member

    I tried dealing with things by myself, but it just doesn't seem to work. It's just a lot of stuff. I need to get it off my chest before I lose it.
    I feel alone all the time. I feel empty all the time. Everyday I wake up thinking "why I didn't die in my sleep?" and everyday I feel my energy leaving my body in every step I give. I feel tired no matter how much I sleep, and sometimes I can't sleep at all. I have many issues I can't discuss with my family, because they wouldn't understand - I know they wouldn't, because they're still full of prejudices. I've been taking medication for lots of things and I'm not even sure if I really have all that stuff or if I'm taking the right medication - all I know is that I'm not dead yet, even though I really wish I were. I'm drinking Coke by the gallon constantly - there are days I drink more than 2 liters by myself. Everyone says I'm destroying my body by doing this, yet they don't seem to realize that's what I'm trying to do. But yeah, they still think I don't have depression even though I was diagnosed many years ago. No surprises here. My mood goes through violent changes - happy as a little kid one day, down in the depths of hell the other day. I'm in need of money, but I can't work. It's a fucking miracle that I can still get out of bed to use my computer, imagine being able to work. I talk to God constantly in hope of a change, but I guess he already has too much to take care of.
    I'm desperate. I don't know what to do. I'm on the edge of doing something I might regret later.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your doctor talk to your doctor get your meds changed as they are not working try something new as for a referal to a therapist that you can talk to who will understand
    Unless someone has had depression they will not get it talk to someone that does understand reach out to your community resources and talk to someone
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    maybe ask to change current medication combinations
     
  4. souncide

    souncide Well-Known Member

    I've been self medicating, that's the problem. I have no money to go to a doctor and my family just won't pay one because they think there's nothing wrong with me, they think all I have is teenage drama - I'm already 19. And since self medicating is a habit on this family, it's actually fairly easy to get meds around here.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It can be free for you if I am not mistaken for some clinics if you make little money