I tried dealing with things by myself, but it just doesn't seem to work. It's just a lot of stuff. I need to get it off my chest before I lose it. I feel alone all the time. I feel empty all the time. Everyday I wake up thinking "why I didn't die in my sleep?" and everyday I feel my energy leaving my body in every step I give. I feel tired no matter how much I sleep, and sometimes I can't sleep at all. I have many issues I can't discuss with my family, because they wouldn't understand - I know they wouldn't, because they're still full of prejudices. I've been taking medication for lots of things and I'm not even sure if I really have all that stuff or if I'm taking the right medication - all I know is that I'm not dead yet, even though I really wish I were. I'm drinking Coke by the gallon constantly - there are days I drink more than 2 liters by myself. Everyone says I'm destroying my body by doing this, yet they don't seem to realize that's what I'm trying to do. But yeah, they still think I don't have depression even though I was diagnosed many years ago. No surprises here. My mood goes through violent changes - happy as a little kid one day, down in the depths of hell the other day. I'm in need of money, but I can't work. It's a fucking miracle that I can still get out of bed to use my computer, imagine being able to work. I talk to God constantly in hope of a change, but I guess he already has too much to take care of. I'm desperate. I don't know what to do. I'm on the edge of doing something I might regret later.