I'm nineteen and feel I'm older than many who have died. I feel sick at school so I just quit my college, and I do nothing right nou for reasons even unclear to me - anxiety, despair, isolation, unsafety and many other feelings you can imagine on a misanthrope. It seems that I lose the will to do things, and I'm a model of resignation. I feel uneasy with people, especially unfamiliar ones. Actually I prefer to stay alone but it hungs opon me with oppression so huge that I cannot dismiss it for a very long time. But why all this happens? frankly I don't even know myself. I just feel disapointed in everything and don't want to do anything while desperately desire for an enterprise I can contribute to. So contradictory it is, right? Something like I've broken everything around me. I get rid of the only lifestyle I know which used to give me an illusion that a promising life is to be found after I'd done with it, but when I finished this work I get nothing. I am condemned to a vacuum space where nobody stays and cannot get out of it. So, when I am too tired to hold on, I'll probably remove myself, maybe a mistake or a exiler, from the world. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. life is such confusing and chaos.