I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AAA3330, Jun 7, 2015.

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  1. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I just feel so terrible all of the time. It just feels like my mind isn't there anymore. I'm always severely depressed, but I think that it's more than just depression. I just don't know what to do. I wouldn't think that my mind would be so seriously damaged from just getting stressed out. Nobody seems to be able to help me and it's just more than I can deal with. I always feel so overwhelmed because I can no longer see the difference between myself and other people. I always used to be really sharp, but I'm not anymore and I just can't understand why when so many things inside of my brain are working flawlessly. I always feel so confused. I know that they say that suicide is never the answer but this thing is really bad for me and I suffer so much. Not to mention that I've tried getting help, but it just seems that there is nothing that can be done for me. I can't keep going back to the hospital and there is nothing that they could do anyway besides give me more meds and I've already been on every med on the planet practically. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I need help so badly but it seems that there is nothing that they can do for me. I just want this thing to go away because I just can't deal with it anymore. I just want to die so badly to make it go away. I can't understand why something so terrible had to happen to me. I was doing fine, then all of a sudden I wasn't. I feel so deeply disturbed and deeply depressed over this thing. I don't understand why society frowns so much on suicide when sometimes there is no other solution.
  2. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Even if no meds help you right now it does' nt mean that none exist or that none will exist in the future.

    I would suggest trying the hospital again. I doubt they tried really everything and they can offer other support.

    Good luck!
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, how long have you been trying medications? It took me roughly 7 years to get the right combo which keeps me stable and above the water. I have read your other posts and can see you are suffering immensely. You are showing amazing strength by still being here every day supporting others. You should give yourself the kindness that you give to others. If I were you I would not give up so easily, especially on the hospital as they can help and offer counselling and other support such as a social worker and people to get you back on your feet again. Please keep on trying, you owe it to yourself because you are a strong person. Please don't give up, I am always around if you need a chat :) And I hope today was a better day for you!!
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the responses. I am a bit better today than yesterday. I've been trying different meds for the last two and a half years. It really tears me up inside that I can't be the person that I used to be. I used to have a beautiful mind and a really great life. I was so fortunate. When I worked for Motorola, I was so successful, but now my brain is just different and I can't understand that. It just doesn't work the way that it used to. I don't feel like the same person and my perception of reality is totally different. I used to enjoy life and do a lot of things, but now I feel so mentally handicapped that I don't do much of anything. I just sit around and feel sorry for myself. Sorry that I can't be the person that I used to be. I'm always so severely depressed. I won't be going back to the hospital, but am going to continue to see my regular psychiatrist though I doubt that there will be anything that she can do. The doctor at the hospital told me that my brain wasn't damaged, but something is drastically different about it.
  5. clairedelune

    clairedelune Wanderer

    Please just keep seeing your psychiatrist. Though you think she might not help you at least one bit, just know that there are a lot of people you can run to. This forum for instance, we're all here to keep you up. We deeply understand how you feel. We've all been there too. Just stay focused on the things that are important to you. Your family, your job. They'll all keep us away from ending it all. Trust me, you'll get by.
  6. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Thank you clairedelune. I don't think that there is anything that can be done, but I'll keep seeing my psychiatrist anyway.
  7. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. It's really hard to rebuild your life and yourself having been through depression. I'm really sorry you are in this situation and feel for your struggles.
  8. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    I don't have any easy solutions, but you will be in my thoughts :)
  9. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Thank you both.
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