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I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sarcasticpoet75, Oct 9, 2015.

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  1. sarcasticpoet75

    sarcasticpoet75 New Member

    I don't know where to begin, really. I don't even know how to make sense right now. um... I have a 14 year old daughter, who I love more than anything in this world. But, it's like we have a very strained relationship because we've had huge arguments & we both said some horrible things to each other. I can't speak for her, but when I'm hurting or angry, I will say things that I don't mean... just to hurt the other person back. In April, we had the biggest argument ever & she ended up saying that she resented me. The good thing is, we haven't had ANY argument since then. I haven't lost my temper at her or anything. The bad thing is, she acts like I'm not her mother. Like, I'm only a roommate. Like, she doesn't have to listen to anything I say. She also goes out of her way to show me that she gets along with her father in front of me. I have talked to her dad (we're married) about my feelings, but he acts like it's not a big deal & defends her. It hurts me so badly that she isn't making any effort at all to repair our relationship, when I have been. Her brother sent me a link to tumblr last weekend, so I went & checked her page out. I saw her post three times that her former science teacher is her mother figure. That hurt me more than anything she's ever said. I still said nothing to her, because I don't want an argument or some confrontation... but she found out that I was on her tumblr page, because she was snooping on my laptop & the tab was open. Since then, she's been giving me the silent treatment & acting like I don't even exist. I've been extremely suicidal since April... <Mod Edit - Methods> But, since last Sunday (the whole tumblr thing), I've been feeling worse than I've ever felt in my life. I feel like she would feel so much better if I was just gone... forever. I also hate that I made her feel so badly about me... as a mother. I'm a horrible person and a failure as a parent. How do I live like this? How can I make things better between us, if she's not trying to repair the relationship as well? It can't be only one-sided. I just want to end it all, so she'll be happier... it's the only thing that I can think about. I know this is my fault, so please don't hate me because I'm aware of everything I've done and I honestly hate myself for it. I wish I could go back in time more than anything and take back all the mean things I've said... but I can't.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2015
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Firstly, welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are down but dealing with teenager children is hard. Yes, you trying to your best to be a mum. You daughter is hurting just like you. It's very hard to protect children which any parent would. No doubt you are hurting a lot from the social media posts but please do not take it to heart. At the end of the day, YOU are her mum and be proud of that. Your daughter and you are hurting in your own way but what has been said cannot be changed. The following advice is only a suggestion but let her deal with situation in her own way. Yes it might take days or weeks to repair the damage but perhaps you can find sone common ground.

    For instance, look back at the things you used to like doing together and see if that will break the ice. I strongly suggest that you do not mention the instragram listing as that will compound the anger your daughter is feeling at moment. One suggestion, is that you bake a cake and leave a message of simply saying " I'm sorry. Friends?" on the kitchen table. It might work... Children love cake and I feel that you are a caring parent who trying her damn hardest to the keep her child safe.

    You need to to remember you daughter is growing up and thinking independently. Let her learn from her own mistakes providing she is not harming or hurting herself in anyway. You got to remember that you were young once and perhaps not in the same manner. At the end of the day, every child needs their parents. Remember, if try to enforce rules and regulations, she will become more rebellious. Yes, teenager years can be wonderful or horrible especially in this social media age. In years to come, you both will look back and will learn from this experience. When she is down and hurting, she will turn to YOU and her dad for love and support.

    Please do do not worry now, as it's hard to see you own child suffering but give it time. Try to appease the situation by simply saying, "I'm sorry and you should be treated like an young adult. When you ready to talk, I'm here for you." Yes, it's going take you to swallow some pride to say that but might gain some respect. It will take time to build the bridge between you and your daughter but one day at a time.

    I hope this post helps you and your daughter. On light hearted note, remember everyone like cake... Take care and keep posting. We are here to help YOU in anyway we can. It's ok to shed tears as it helps to release the hurt you feeling at the moment.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2015
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