I don't know where to begin, really. I don't even know how to make sense right now. um... I have a 14 year old daughter, who I love more than anything in this world. But, it's like we have a very strained relationship because we've had huge arguments & we both said some horrible things to each other. I can't speak for her, but when I'm hurting or angry, I will say things that I don't mean... just to hurt the other person back. In April, we had the biggest argument ever & she ended up saying that she resented me. The good thing is, we haven't had ANY argument since then. I haven't lost my temper at her or anything. The bad thing is, she acts like I'm not her mother. Like, I'm only a roommate. Like, she doesn't have to listen to anything I say. She also goes out of her way to show me that she gets along with her father in front of me. I have talked to her dad (we're married) about my feelings, but he acts like it's not a big deal & defends her. It hurts me so badly that she isn't making any effort at all to repair our relationship, when I have been. Her brother sent me a link to tumblr last weekend, so I went & checked her page out. I saw her post three times that her former science teacher is her mother figure. That hurt me more than anything she's ever said. I still said nothing to her, because I don't want an argument or some confrontation... but she found out that I was on her tumblr page, because she was snooping on my laptop & the tab was open. Since then, she's been giving me the silent treatment & acting like I don't even exist. I've been extremely suicidal since April... <Mod Edit - Methods> But, since last Sunday (the whole tumblr thing), I've been feeling worse than I've ever felt in my life. I feel like she would feel so much better if I was just gone... forever. I also hate that I made her feel so badly about me... as a mother. I'm a horrible person and a failure as a parent. How do I live like this? How can I make things better between us, if she's not trying to repair the relationship as well? It can't be only one-sided. I just want to end it all, so she'll be happier... it's the only thing that I can think about. I know this is my fault, so please don't hate me because I'm aware of everything I've done and I honestly hate myself for it. I wish I could go back in time more than anything and take back all the mean things I've said... but I can't.