I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by prophetbirds, Jan 31, 2016.

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  1. prophetbirds

    prophetbirds Well-Known Member

    It's been a really long time since I've posted on this forum, almost five years. I first posted on here when I was 13, I attempted suicide at 14, got healthier from 15-18, I'm now 19 but I feel like a kid again. I just got rejected from a job that really really mattered to me, and I feel so hopeless. I'm an actor and it feels like the entire world is telling me to quit. Which would be fine if i had any other skills, if i were good at ANYTHING else, but I'm not. I don't know what I am if I'm not an actor, but I'm clearly not talented enough to do it for a living, so I might as well kill myself and get it over with.

    I know, I'm being a drama queen, I just feel so utterly lost and alone. I moved to a new city about 5 months ago and know almost no one, so I don't have much of a support system.

    I got drunk tonight and just kept typing in the notes app on my phone, "I want to kill myself, i want to kill myself, I want to kill myself."

    Does anyone else feel lost? Does anyone else feel useless? Does anyone else feel talentless and directionless like me?
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think virtually everybody feels useless/talentless/directionless at times. At 19, I would guess that it is a near normal state of being for a good number, certainly my oldest 2 daughters went through that from 18-20 even though they were enrolled in university and doing well and barely getting started as adults they would say the exact same things when talking about their life, and for me while that age was a long time ago, when I got sick and had to stop working suddenly 7 years ago I felt all of those things constantly for a few years.

    I could give you a ton of examples about acting and Brad Pit dressed in a chicken suit and sandwich board for minimum wage at a fast food stand at that age, or a million others - but I am sure you already know those things. Bottom line is it hurts to be told "no" when you want to do something really bad, and nothing will ever change that- it is not being a drama queen because it is real pain and it hurts.
    But there is an end to that hurt. You will either do like most successful actors do and try it another 200x until you get lucky and hope that tiny bit part you get being lucky gets you noticed, or you will do what the majority do and find a new interest. Just because you do not know of anything else yet does not mean there is not something else - you are young and have not explored other things enough to know in actuality.Like athletes , if your focus has always been one thing the limited range of experience and consideration makes it feel like your world has ended if there is a set back. And it is not immature or naive, it is very real pain and very real issues to deal with.

    But you can deal with it and you can continue on with your dream if you let yourself, at the same time as you open yourself up to experience other things - which will also make you a better actor so call it rehearsing for possible future parts to broaden your range of real world experience to draw from at the next chance you get to try out... and you will eventually get the part that is important to you or find something that interests you enough to choose a different path - neither are wrong. One thing that will prevent you from reaching your dreams of being a success however is ending it. Then you have zero chance of becoming an actor...

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
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  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I couldn't have said anything better than what nyjmpmaster has said but just want you to know I am here if you need to talk, anyway, feel free to PM me and yeah of course I feel useless at times and talentless, but I'm able to keep those thoughts at bay most of the time. Have you tried receiving any professional help for your thoughts? Therapy could help you a lot, it did for me :)
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