I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Aaron132, Jun 4, 2016.

  1. Aaron132

    Aaron132 New Member

    I live in a good family etc. I have a nice house etc but despite this, I have suicidal thoughts quite often.

    My Dad and I used to be very close but in the past few years we drifted and argue often. He gets angry super quick but never hits me. He means good but he drives me crazy. He is a perfectionist and never stops cleaning. He has several traits that makes me crazy such as loud chewing but I never tell him this. He also argues with me and 'bitches' about me to the rest of my family.

    My sister has an illness where she occasionally excretes blood but it has stopped now. My mom uses this illness as an excuse to side with my sister always. I never get listened to and I never feel like I actually am a good person. I try my hardest. Also, my sister uses this to make my mom and dad feel sorry for her and uses it to get her own way. If ever we argue, I get told off. Not her. No matter what. Also, I get blamed if anything goes wrong ever.

    My mom gets super mad. She hits me when she is mad and takes the piss out of me crying. She says that she doesn't care about my opinion and says she is only shouting and being angry at me for my exams. I never do anything to her. I am apparently the problem in the house. Also, she tries to use emotional blackmail but I never give in. It always makes me more intent on running away or killing myself. As well as that, she always tells the wider family how bad I am even though when confronted by me, she can never think of anything to say.

    I have attempted suicide about 4-5 times and I've been trying to run away for years. I always get disturbed or I pussy out last minute.

    I feel like I bring no good. If my sister argues with me and I argue back, my sister says that I am rude etc and that 'all I (her) deserve is your rudeness' and tries to emotionally blackmail me.

    I want to kill myself so much. All everyone ever says to me is negative things.

    I am at the point where I feel like the best option is to lose all emotional contact with my family and just not talk much etc. I feel like it is going to be that or suicide.

    <Mod Edit: Methods and Asking for Methods>

    I am in year 10.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2016
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Aaron, welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you are having a hard time at home - unfortunately this is so common for teenagers and it seems like people just expect that you will "deal with it" because it is a "teenage thing" - I know it doesn't feel like that when you are in the middle of it and you feel like crap.

    The thing with your parents gets better - it may be not great for a few years but the issue is that as you grow into an adult you do naturally chafe against rules etc, and arguments happen more often as you try to find your way as a person, not a child, and your parents struggle to let go of the idea of you as a child. Normally after you move out (maybe go to uni?) at 18, the time you do spend with your family improves often, because its time you choose and you don't feel penned or forced into each others company anymore.

    With regards to your sister - I understand your frustration and unfortunately there isn't a cure for it - apart from to wait it out. Again, it will get better and when you can move out and get some distance you won't fight as much.

    You do need though, to start saying some positive things to yourself - even if you are the only person that does so at the moment. It is hard when you only hear negative things, but if you practise it gets easier - and telling yourself bad things like "I bring no good" is damaging you.

    Take care of yourself!
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum.

    What about reaching to your school counsellor and telling them what is going on at home.

    Can you try spending as much time as possible away from home.
     
  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    That's an awful situation to be in. There are obvious problems with your family and they seem to be stemming from your sister's health. Your sister uses her health status for attention. All around its not good.

    You need help immediately for your struggles. This is not something you can handle alone. Don't even try.

    Call a crisis line and start talking this out. Just call, don't think that you can just get by as things are now because they are not so bad as someone else's. The crisis people will direct you to a place to get additional help.

    Help yourself today
     
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are hurting no doubt from the emotional abuse of others. I totally understand how you feel but you are young and try your best to live life. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and I know it's hard but like Strking says seek immediate help.

    You no doubt cry which understand as you don't need this sort of anguish. There is no physical harm as you could call the authorities for help but you are suffering emotional abuse which is worse. You need to tell a school counsellor possibly. I know this might make things worse but your well-being is more paramount at the moment. If it's in the open, then things might change or your parents will deny it and state that you are making up stories. It's a hard decision but it could mean the break up of the family.

    I am not trying to be horrible but realistic in your situation. The anguish you face is hard but cannot continue to suffer like this everyday. It's having a dretimental effect on you. You need to consider the options as from this experience you can get stronger for the future and it will make you stronger. YOU ARE A SURVIVOUR in y boos even you are so young.

    Please keep posting as YOU know we care about from the support given so far.
     
  6. Aaron, life changes dramatically after school and leaving home, I hope that this can be a light at the end of the tunnel for you.