I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wonderment, Jul 6, 2016.

  1. Wonderment

    Wonderment Member

    I wrote a suicide note a few days ago and it's just been sitting there.

    I want to end it and just be free, to feel anything other than the anguish I feel now.

    I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Everyone I see looks happy and content, and here I am wondering when it's my turn.

    When do I get to be happy?
     
  2. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    What have you done since writing the letter? What changes have you made? Who have you spoken with?
    This is not about other people and your perceptions of their happiness. It is about changing so that the urge to write a suicide letter lessens considerably maybe permanently.

    Start by letting a professional know about what you have written. You have many ready to support you in this time of need.
     
  3. Wonderment

    Wonderment Member

    I've done nothing. I have no motivation to do anything. I don't feel there is any meaning to anything I do, so there is no point in doing anything.

    I've been to counselors and on medication, and neither helped.

    I want to be happy, but there's no telling when or if that would happen.

    Everyone dies eventually and stops experiencing anything after death, so what does it matter if I commit suicide? I want to stop existing to stop my pain.
     
  4. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Know we are here for you. Hugs Please don't give up hope. I know it's easier said then done. Do you have any dreams? Any goals?
     
    PracticalGrit617 and SinisterKid like this.
  5. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Then talk to different counselors. Have you found one who will challenge your every statement? Who will break you down until you feel as if your defenses and beliefs are just lies yoiu tell yourself? Its an experience like no other.

    I find that life is a series of experience and perception altering pebbles tossed one on the other until eventually they come tumbling down. Each of these pebbles affects change but it takes that avalanche to realize it.
     
    PracticalGrit617 likes this.
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Did you give medication time to work. What about different types of therapy?
     
  7. Wonderment

    Wonderment Member

    I gave the medication plenty of time to work and had the dose increased twice with no improvements before I decided to stop taking it. I can't afford therapy, not that I would go anyways. It's frustrating to try to explain your perspective and to be told that you need the help of medication before the therapy can be really effective, and then the medication doesn't work.

    Right now I can't even afford the therapy anyways. I have no job and no drive to do anything. Sometimes it's a struggle to get out of bed even when I know that I don't have anything important to do that day, because I have nothing to look forward to.
     
  8. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    Everybody's different Wonderment. Different medications work for different people. You may need to try a few to find the right one. It's worth sticking with until you find meds that work for you