I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Karenuk, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. Karenuk

    Karenuk New Member

    I feel so ashamed thinking about ending my life. I'm really struggling and if I could just take a pill right now and not wake up.
    I've lost someone I really care about and love after they ended the relationship and I can't see a way forward or stop feeling like this. It feels like I have a heavy weight on my chest the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I can't think at all to make decisions or see an end to this.
    I don't have many people I can talk to and the lonely feelings are overwhelming.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. Sorry you are feeling so bad. Are you seeing a counsellor?
     
  3. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Thank you for joining us here at SF. I personally look forward to hearing about you and what has brought you to this corner of the web. I invite you to read my personal story below in green and just know you are not the only in pain. You are not the only one suffering. Everyone here is fighting their own battles. While you are here, you are safe. No one will harass you or insult you in any manner. That BS is not tolerated here. I hate to hear that you are suicidal. You must have a lot of stuff going on in your life for you to feel this way. Do you know why we feel suicidal? (I am suicidal too, btw) If you don't know would you like for me to explain it to you? I want you to promise me that if you ever feel like you are in danger of hurting yourself, you will take yourself to the nearest ER, and get the help you need. There is no shame in getting help.

    I would personally love to hear more about you. What are your dreams? What do you want out of life? What issues do you think , you need help with? How can we help you get into a better place?

    Feel free to PM/IM me anytime if you just want to chat or want to talk about something in a private manner.

    Take Care
     
  4. Briezy

    Briezy Well-Known Member

    Well you have us to talk to, that's a start right? Things are really hard for you right now. From losing someone special in your life to just dealing with the regular stress of life it can be a lot to handle. Have you reached out to anyone besides us for help? I know it can be a scary thought but even just reaching out to someone you trust at work or a girlfriend. As a last resort you could always talk to your primary care doc. And they could refer you to a professional. It can be hard to open up but it is really rewarding once you do!
     
  5. Karenuk

    Karenuk New Member

    Thank you so very much for taking the time to reply Rockclimbinggirl, Moxman and Briezy. I haven't been to see the doctor since things have gotten worse although I am on anti depressants.
    My story is I met a guy online about a year ago and we instantly clicked. We started dating and I fell in love with him very quickly. I have always longed for children although it hasn't happened for me yet. We talked about a family together and the future. About 4 months ago he started to change and mentioned he didn't want to have a child with me after all. (he has a child from his first marriage) and his feelings towards me were changing. Things were very rocky over the 4 months and I didn't know where I stood with him before he finally finished with me about a month ago. I feel so empty and struggling to move forward with anything. That horrible feeling I have in my stomach is always there and the chest pains are always there. I have always tried to remain a positive person but I'm finding it so hard to think of the future and what it holds for me. Life is very bleak at the moment and I'm struggling to open up to my family as they don't believe in depression.
    I'm not sure how to pm you moxman but I would be interested to hear why we feel the need to not go on sometimes, if you have the time.
    Thanks again for your support and kind words.
     
  6. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I just ended my relationship in late August not soon after our second anniversary of being together, as a couple. I feel really sullen, and inconsolable even though I was also unhappy within the relationship, I felt at least a form of stability with them. Now I have to start building a whole new foundation, solo. It's going to be a long, hard journey for me. I understand the way you must be feeling, as I struggle with similar feelings about not waking up..I do enjoy sleeping too much now.. I literally look forward to going to bed every day =/. I'm sorry if my posting doesn't seem so upbeat, I just want you to know you're totally not alone. Take it one day, one week, one month (alot of new things can happen)..whatever it takes at a time. I am just taking it in baby steps.

    For the time being, I am not able to function optimally and am going through a 'resting/getting help' period for awhile. Just find ways to help yourself look forward to life again. I started volunteering, and it's a major turning point in my life. I did it on my own free will, too. Feels good when you realize your personal power. You don't want to lose much more time being with someone whose not for you, or you for them. In my case, I find myself still feeling despondent over the fact the activities we did do are over, and I'll never do them again, but they were small things like watching movies or shopping, or walks, that's about it. Overall, I did myself a huge favor by ending it. New opportunities will reveal themselves to you. As that saying goes "one door closes, and another one opens." I started volunteering and it's given me a whole new meaning to my life. Not basing it around watching some movies and have a few drinks every two weeks with someone. I am actually being productive with my time instead of waiting around for someone who doesn't care enough or at least will never show it (in the ways that give me comfort and make me feel relief). I hope you find relief soon. It will come sooner or later.
     
  7. Karenuk

    Karenuk New Member

    Hello ghostangelcake7, thank you so much for your message and kind supportive words. I do hope things are better for you? I apologise I haven't been back on to reply as I have barely been functioning these last couple of weeks.
    I think it's the feeling of helplessness I have. I wasn't the one to end it so I felt the desperate need to cling onto the hope he would get in touch and come back into my life. It hurts so much thinking he has moved on so quickly.
    I love your advice regarding volunteering. I think it's something I would really benefit from and to put things into perspective.
    I hope you are all well and thank you again-it means so much having this support.

    Xx
     
  8. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Hey Karenuk,and welcome.Im going thru the same thing.Two things,we all have in common here is depression and being alone.Having someone can make the difference between life and death for many of us.Everything is temporary,parents,spouses,friends,and everything we own,and even us.You can go crazy trying to figure out the meaning of everything.I am trying to move forward,but its slow.I have pretty much stopped worrying,because it does no good.Life is extreme unfairness,to the max.We either deal with it or die.And if we die we face the unknown.Its like being stuck in limbo.Sometimes all we can do is listen to each other,and get support.Please take care,there are many of us in the same boat.Feel free to chat,and may the force be with you.......