I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Melody, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. Melody

    Melody Member

    I'm sorry about my last thread.
    Im not here to drain pity from any of you I just want someone to listen.

    So my family often talked down to me and wanted me in their image of how they saw me , I grew up not knowing the "bad" stuff which made me really naive and curious as I am in my adolescent years now.

    My parents beat me sometimes , get mad or take out their anger on me and it makes me feel sad like it was always my fault.

    I got beaten by my teacher when I was five for silly stuff and my lessons teacher for something I did she also called me an idiot.

    They also treated my half sister better than me (she was better than me anyway) and my family makes me feel like a failure when I compare them to me.

    Along with that I was teased for how I looked and acted because I was dfiffrent from everyone else , the bullying hasn't stopped either but it doesn't bother me as much as it did before.

    It only left mental scars

    I remember the days I broke down when I couldn't control my emotions and people laughed or didn't understand (especially my family) so I shut down my emotions (well I try to sometimes).

    My friends left me , used me or replaced me so I don't trust many people (especially guys ever since an incident (which is too personal to state here) and a back stabbing by my "best friend " occoured scratch that I'm scared of guys when they try to get close emotionally I shut them out I don't know what they want and it usually turned out that they wanted me for my body and I don't want to burden them with my problems.

    I've accepted that people come and go in life and its all right because they were not ment to be there anyway.

    I had the urge to give up but my friends convinced me to push forward now here I am alive and still I am unhappy but I hide it with a smile on my face .

    Ever since my failed attempt at running away from home and this rumor at school which might cause me to get into big trouble at school there me into a big depression and I just....

    But I'm fine now it feels like my life crashed and stopped and I'm clueless on what to do.

    I just feel very stressed out at the state of my life and I just want my depression to end so I can live a happy life.
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Bullying in schools is rife and you seem to have been impacted by it a lot. Mental scars are likely worse than most things physical and it will sap away your confidence and make depression set in. I think its a good idea to keep talking and get it all out of your system. There are people on here who have gone or are going through similar ordeals and they might be able to give you an alternative and stopped you feeling so trapped and isolated.
    Melody likes this.
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Melody,
    Nobody thinks you're looking for pity, please vent all you want. Is there an objective party you can talk to, other than friends?
    Melody likes this.
  4. Melody

    Melody Member

    Not really because they don't understand because they didn't go through something similar
  5. Melody

    Melody Member

    Thank you
  6. Depressed Since 1974

    Depressed Since 1974 Active Member

    I was the fat, pimple faced, awkward and shy guy so basically I was the butt of almost every joke and this started in fourth grade and continued through high school. I know how cruel people can be and I needed help dealing with emotions but I waited until late in life to get it.

    From what you have shared your friends, parents and siblings are not able or are unwilling to provide the support you need.

    I encourage you to find someone you can confide with.
    Talk with someone to help you work through and deal with emotions.
    Have you tried:
    A school counselor
    Religious leader/clergy
    Social Worker
    Mental health worker

    I know asking for help is scary.
    Melody likes this.
  7. Melody

    Melody Member

    I talked to a psychologist she only made MRE out to be a spoilt brat

    Counsellor just told me to be strong and pray to God
  8. Depressed Since 1974

    Depressed Since 1974 Active Member

    It is terrible that the counselor left you feeling that way!

    Unfortunately there are counselors that listen but do not hear. And you may not find a therapist you can work with immediately. Therapy requires trust and trust takes time.

    If this was my experience: I would make another appointment with the counselor and tell the counselor how the initial visit made me feel. I would then ask for a referral to another therapist. I would tell the counselor I wanted someone that specializes in working with adolescents who have suffered years of bullying, suffer low self-esteem as well as suicidal thoughts.

    I think that would show the counselor you are being strong.

    That counselor needs to know why you don't want to continue a doctor/patient relationship.

    My therapist was Christian but he never brought theology into therapy. Not a single mention of god or reliance on praying to recover my mental health. He focused on teaching me skills I could put into practice in and out of therapy. I hope you find a therapist you can trust.

    You are strong!
    Melody likes this.
  9. HereToHelp

    HereToHelp Member

    Don't run away from school because school is not the problem, your stupid classmates are!
    The hardest thing to do, and also the best, is to conpletely ignore those who bully you.
    I'm certain that people that know you well will never hurt you so listen only to them.
    If your counselor made you feel bad I must tell you he is just a bad counselor don't listen to him, very easy :) :)
    It may sound hard but don't be too sad if you don't have friends, life alone is tought but certainly being in a bad company is tougher.
    Also consider that you will certainly make many friends in the future so I would not worry about that :)
    I don't know how much free time you have but there are many things that you can do to improve yoursel and your mood: go to the gym, read good books, learn new skill (I suggest math and programming) find a part time job (if you love animals go to a local animal shelter and offer them your help) really thousands of things.
    Try to use your time to improve yourself.
    And when I say "improve" I don't mean that you are missing something, on the contrary, you already have everithing you need so it is time to find something new :)
    And don't be ashamed to feel bad...you have no idea how many grown man and women don't react as bravely as you.
    You are very strong and asking for help is just a proof of that.
    Melody likes this.
  10. Melody

    Melody Member

    Thank you so much and I am trying my hardest to improve sadly my family is trying to hold me back because they don't understand my interest in things .I realized that I wasted my early childhood years being who they wanted me to be and not who I want to be because of this newfound independence they want to hold me back.

    I want to start selling cakes sometime to earn money for myself I just hope it works.
  11. kath2706

    kath2706 Member

    Hello I'm new to this I've never posted before or spoken about it , I wish I could give u advise put im in such a state feeling like this is terrible God bless you all xxx
  12. HereToHelp

    HereToHelp Member

    Be strong and focused; don't listen to stupid people but listen to your heart.
    If you want to sell cakes I suggest you to look for courses or maybe little apprenticeship, one thing is certain people will never stop eating and a good cake can boost also the morale.
    And please don't say such thing as I've wasted my early childhood.....your future is more important and starts today :)
    Be positive, strong and always count on our support.
    :) :) :) :)
    Melody likes this.
  13. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Please stay strong. Use the chat rooms please.
  14. Melody

    Melody Member

    But I'm not sure what to say I'm too shy *blushes*
  15. kath2706

    kath2706 Member

    I was the same hun ppl on her are great and do help a great deal xx
    Melody likes this.
  16. Melody

    Melody Member

    Well I spent my early childhood trying to be someone I'm not that's what I meant.

    I'll do a course in cake baking sometime.
  17. Depressed Since 1974

    Depressed Since 1974 Active Member


    My friend went to school for culinary arts with a concentration in pastry making. While in school she worked part-time in a bakery and now works full-time in a well-known hotel making cakes and other deserts. She has a blast working to make fun delicious foods.

    There are so many opportunities open to people who make cakes. You have made a great career and education choice.
  18. Melody

    Melody Member

    I wanted to have an income for myself so that I can pay off additional fees for a college I want to attend later this year.
  19. HereToHelp

    HereToHelp Member

    That is great!!!!
    What would you like to study?? :)
  20. Melody

    Melody Member

    Game Art