I'm sorry about my last thread. Im not here to drain pity from any of you I just want someone to listen. So my family often talked down to me and wanted me in their image of how they saw me , I grew up not knowing the "bad" stuff which made me really naive and curious as I am in my adolescent years now. My parents beat me sometimes , get mad or take out their anger on me and it makes me feel sad like it was always my fault. I got beaten by my teacher when I was five for silly stuff and my lessons teacher for something I did she also called me an idiot. They also treated my half sister better than me (she was better than me anyway) and my family makes me feel like a failure when I compare them to me. Along with that I was teased for how I looked and acted because I was dfiffrent from everyone else , the bullying hasn't stopped either but it doesn't bother me as much as it did before. It only left mental scars I remember the days I broke down when I couldn't control my emotions and people laughed or didn't understand (especially my family) so I shut down my emotions (well I try to sometimes). My friends left me , used me or replaced me so I don't trust many people (especially guys ever since an incident (which is too personal to state here) and a back stabbing by my "best friend " occoured scratch that I'm scared of guys when they try to get close emotionally I shut them out I don't know what they want and it usually turned out that they wanted me for my body and I don't want to burden them with my problems. I've accepted that people come and go in life and its all right because they were not ment to be there anyway. I had the urge to give up but my friends convinced me to push forward now here I am alive and still I am unhappy but I hide it with a smile on my face . Ever since my failed attempt at running away from home and this rumor at school which might cause me to get into big trouble at school there me into a big depression and I just.... But I'm fine now it feels like my life crashed and stopped and I'm clueless on what to do. I just feel very stressed out at the state of my life and I just want my depression to end so I can live a happy life.