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I Dont Know What To Do...

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birdy

Well-Known Member
#1
i have got a small black book. everything depressing is written in there...
my best friend knows about my problems, and well she read that i have written a suicide note in there...date of death 10th march 2007.
well as to be expected she freaked out, got all hysterical, and got a nervous breakdown...partially because of me wanting to die, partially because of my feelings, death, pain, horror, and so on...
well i owe her so much, and i really love her, as a friend. it hurts me to see her like that. i cannot leave her like this...but whenever she looks at me i see that my feeling, that my being myself, hurts her. it is killing her. today she stil was really shocked and so on. she seemed like a soulless person. well anyway she absentmindedly to sing...'killing me softly with his words'...and so on. *ouch*. that hurt. the last thing i wanted to do was to hurt her. i also know that if i kill myself, shell be traumatised for a long time to come. however my existance is hurting her...
i dont know what to do...i want to die...but i cant...i cant leave her like this...it all is so complicated
i hate myself for doing this to her...but i cant help it...
as is said i wanted to kill myself on the 10th of march...well i promised to procastinate a bit. i want to live for another month, simply so that she has some time to recover...ill run away...and kill myself...ill tell her that ill run away, to live a better life...its a lie we both can live with...we dont have another choice...
its all so depressing...
 

Erebos

Well-Known Member
#2
Running away won't change anything. She'll know your ulterior motives. People aren't stupid. I don't think you should do anything rash at the moment. Dragging others down wouldn't be fair.
 
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