I dont know what to do

[Iammistaken]

I lost 4 years of my life. Well , better put, i'd say i wasted 4 years of my life. I got accepted into medicine, but i dropped out in my 2nd year to try my hand in business. I failed and i am now 24 in my 2nd year with a bunch of 20 year olds. I will be 28 when i graduate, the obvious caveat being that i pass all my classes well. I was planning to end it all <mod edit - timeline>, but im going to try a final plea. I dont want to die. But i dont understand the future. So many things could go wrong. Why should i live. Im hurting so much i dont know if i should even go on. I have become so pathetic. 4 years wasted. Im 24 without even being a graduate. Whats the point? Please help me. I dont want to hear that i need to stop dwelling in the past. It isn't that easy. I dont want to hear that i need to live for others. People die every hour. Why am i so special. I feel like a damn child. So pathetic.

 

[Sunspots]

Hi @Iammistaken

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now but I'm glad you've found us.

Personally I think going to uni slightly older gives you an advantage. You're more mature than the 20 year olds, have more life experience and know better what you want. Plus I think it's bloody amazing that you're studying medicine - what a brilliant thing to do. Those years haven't been wasted. You've tried something different and realized that it isn't for you. If you hadn't tried you'll never have known. And it's given you valuable life and work experience.

So many things could go wrong.

True. But so many things could go right too. Nobody goes through life without anything going wrong but that gives us an opportunity to learn.

I dont want to hear that i need to live for others. People die every hour. Why am i so special

Because you would have chosen to leave. As much as the death of a family member or friend is an awful thing to go through, knowing that your loved one has chosen to leave you is unbearable. It leaves those left behind with so much guilt that they will never get over - why didn't they see the signs, they didn't do enough to help, they weren't good enough for you to ask for help or to stay around for, it's their fault. Believe me, I know how it affects people.

Have you sought any professional help for how you're feeling? Or confided in a friend or family member?

 

[SkyTree]

I also dropped out of college. I left when I was 20 and only returned 5 years later. It left 2010 and only was able to come back and finally finish in 2018. I was 26. So you're not the only one. Better late than never. Graduating late is not the end of the world. It may make things slightly harder but success is definitely possible still. So don't give up on yourself. I won't give up on you!

 

[sinking_ship]

Hi, welcome to SF. I'm glad you landed here.

It understand why you feel the way you do. But as much as you feel you've wasted 4 years, imagine how many years you waste if you give up on life right now. Plenty of people don't get their degree until your age or much older. I very much understand the regret and shame you've got going on right now. I will say that in my experience it does get better with time. You can move forward from this. I know it's hard, but there can be so much good out there for you in your future.

 

[JDot]

Hi @Iammistaken It's understandable to be depressed when you've lost time. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're glad to have you here.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this

Please help me

I hope I can help somehow. You've mentioned the ways you don't want to be helped, do you want to say more about the way or ways you do want to be helped?

It sounds to me like some form of treatment might help you, do you want to talk about treatment methods?

Wishing you good things

 

[KM76710]

Hello and glad to see that you have joined us here.

 

[cots]

There are a lot of people in college who are in their 30s and 40s. I had classmates who were in their 50s when I was studying. Learning is a lifelong journey, age is just a number.

 

[Walker]

Hello and welcome to SF. I have to assume you're not in one of the quite typical countries we get people from here (the UK, US etc) because we're full of people your age in university so you wouldn't be dwelling on feeling "too old". Do you want to say where you are from?
I'm sorry you feel like you've "wasted" time but an older student is accomplishing more and likely getting more from school than a younger person. I imagine you're going to do really well now if you ease up some of the pressure off yourself.

 

[Lekatt]

There are a lot of people in college who are in their 30s and 40s. I had classmates who were in their 50s when I was studying. Learning is a lifelong journey, age is just a number.

Very well said. I went to college in my 50s. Nothing wrong with learning whatever the age. Love

 

[Iammistaken]

Hello and welcome to SF. I have to assume you're not in one of the quite typical countries we get people from here (the UK, US etc) because we're full of people your age in university so you wouldn't be dwelling on feeling "too old". Do you want to say where you are from?
I'm sorry you feel like you've "wasted" time but an older student is accomplishing more and likely getting more from school than a younger person. I imagine you're going to do really well now if you ease up some of the pressure off yourself.

Im from india

 

[Walker]

Ahh I see. Yes that does explain more of your situation to us a bit more. I'm still unsure that you're exactly an aging old man in terms of schooling there though. Regardless it's better that you keep going and get your degree than to waffle about and not get it, right? Then you'll be off to start work sooner. I feel like a larger disappointment would be if you were to kill yourself and have the time and money wasted on an education you never used whatsoever. Your parents would be pretty upset about *that* also.

 

[Iammistaken]

Ahh I see. Yes that does explain more of your situation to us a bit more. I'm still unsure that you're exactly an aging old man in terms of schooling there though. Regardless it's better that you keep going and get your degree than to waffle about and not get it, right? Then you'll be off to start work sooner. I feel like a larger disappointment would be if you were to kill yourself and have the time and money wasted on an education you never used whatsoever. Your parents would be pretty upset about *that* also.

I know that my parents would be upset...which is probably why i haven't done anything yet...i know there are plenty of people who are worse off than me, but right now, things are just so unclear, with the virus...and i cant afford any more time wasted. I've pretty much grazed through life before, relying on luck and intellect....now im just bombarded with all these feelings...the stress, the guilt, the wasted time...depending on my parents at this age....and my past suicidal thoughts haven't left