Right now im sitting here crying my eyes out, for no apparant reason. Ive been suffering from depression for years, but have only been diagnosed for near enough 2 years. I was in college (or high school what ever u call it) i did my a/s levels and passed with quite good marks. when i got diagnosed the doctor agreed that i should take the year out and go back the next year, hopefully feeling better. But my friends practically disowned me, its been 2 years and i hardly see any of them, they dont fone or text or email me. Ive been left to myself. im all alone. There was so much shit in my childhood, that i dont want to get into. and now all my friends have left me. im not a bad person. why does everyone leave me? i got a new job, made a great friend and out of the blue she starts posting things on the internet telling me to go kill myself (she knew most of my reasons for being depressed). I went back to college with her, and after she started all the shit i couldnt sleep or do anything for 3 weeks and i got so behind that i had to take this year off too. I wont get into the nasty things she said. So shes left me too. I dont think i can go back to college this sept. i dont think i can cope. i cant even be depressed and just lay around without my mum shouting at me. I keep trying to get another job cause the one i got is only on weekends (it went around my school hours) but no1 will give me one, and i dont know why, i have expeirence and qualifications, but it doesnt seem to be any help. Ive thought so many times of killing myself, cause i cant see another way out of this hell. But im too much of a wimp to do anything. i cant evn fkn kill myself! how am i supposed to succeed in being anything else. Things that make me stop are my family (mostly cause theres been a lot of suicides here lately and they say how selfish they are) im not selfish, im not. i just cant cope. i cant take it any more. i dont know what to do. I cant get a job, i cant just sit around the house. i cant do nothing. Im just a fat ugly piece of sh** that no one wants. or cares about. AND she was right, im never going to be a lawyer. never. Ive wanted it for sooo soo long, and i cant do it. I dont think i can go back to college, i cant cope with university. i cant cope with life. I know im going feel a right prat and feel even worse about myself for even posting this. I bet it doesnt even make sense.