i dont know what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vbuk, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i feel such a mess. i dont know why and i dont know what to do. this is so so hard. last night i was so close - literly. the water was inches from my feet and was moving up. it was so late and there was nobody about.

    i texted sammie and robin and they saved my life. they were there. and for that im forever greatful.

    the problem is - should i have texted them? if i hadnt i dont think id be here. i was miles from home - nobody wud have a clue. right now i dont know. ive sat and thought all night about things.

    2 nights ago i had this dream - this massive thing that i wanted to do and i actually got details about it. i was on cloud nine. and then i found out it could never happen. it killed. for days there was nothing else i wanted - then there was nothing. nothing left.

    kind feeling so emotional - about to cry again. and i dont know how to turn it off. i dont know whats happening.

    i keep just wanting out cos i dont see anything left. i dont know. i dont know n e thing n e more - i better stop cos im talking rubbish.

    thank you robin and sammie for last night
    thank you to everyone that has helped me
    i love you all
    im sorry if i let you all down

    Clare x
  2. pannic

    pannic Member

    Really glad you found help, I know its easier said than done but try and take care and be safe! My thoughts are with you!
  3. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i just dont think i did good telling poeple - i cant be feeling like this anymore. i want out
  4. crisis4Life

    crisis4Life Member

    Hey, I'm really glad you managed to text for help, I know that can be hard to do, and I really do think you did the right thing by texting. I'm sure your friends must also be grateful for you having reached out, I know I am.

    I know things seem hard at the moment, but good times will come too, just hang in there :hug:
  5. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    I know it wont mean much, but for what ever it is worth, u can always talk to me.

    What was your dream about?
  6. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i was planning to go on this amazing race - round the world. all these yachts left hull on sunday night and its something i would love to do. it was something that i actually thought and believed i could. but then last night i found out that it not possible for me to do. id emailed the organisers and everything. i was so excited and then bang - it was gone.
  7. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    Was this an actual dream dream or something u actually did?
  8. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    its real
  9. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    Why can it never happen?
  10. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    it costs 30grand. its not for a couple of years - a couple of grand then yeah maybe cud have done it - but 30grand
  11. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Never give up your dreams or there is no point. Better to chase and endless dream and give yourself a purpose than to sit and rot. It's purpose that preoccupies us to the fate of that one question. Why are we here anyway?
    Watch a film called Little Miss Sunshine. There is a boy in it who wants to be a jet pilot. See what happens to him and see how he deals with it. We keep trying till we are spent because there is nothing else we should be doing.

    Sorry I havent been texting you much or talking. I've been really preoccupied with op and my money situation is dire so I can't afford to use my phone. Remember I said about that horizon? You took your eyes off it. Look at it again. That yaught race. You don't have to do that particular race. Do a smaller one somewhere else and see if you can get sponsored by someone for bigger races. Open up your horizon and see that there will always be limitations but most of lifes fun is about overcoming them and looking back and thinking, yeah... I did that!
    Take care Clare x
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