I dont know what to do?

[When will i rest.]

At around 6 years of age my brother abused me untill i was 13, it was very degrading and i dont wnat to go into detail but sordid is to nice a word to discribe a narcissist to the level he is.

Now im 39 and I have told my mum last year of his abuse, while he was in court on sexual charges against teenagers.
He went to court and now on the register.

I stayed in touch through court and wrote in jail and told my self it was justic for me.
If it wasnt for my mother of 73 i would not be anywhere near him. i feel i degrade my self every time i put my own sanity a side to please others so i am just restrengthening the status he put on me as a child.

My mum has told me i have to tell him to stop conatcting me as she is piggy in the middle, and told me today that they are in contact often.

i dont want my mum to give up her son as i love my own dearly, but im so unhappy and so deeply hurt, as i am still alone with the monster in my mind as much as when i was 6, i never had an adult help me then, i just wish i had someone now.

thank you for reading i dont know what to do.
Do i think of my mum who is 74 and i do care for her dearly, or do i do what i need to do for me.
im so desperately confussed right now and my heart is breaking.

thank you again

 

[When will i rest.]

Hi every one i am back after 8 long hard months of a very emotional and mental roller coaster.

It is found that i had Lyme disease and i have not been suicidal since i started antibiotics, I'm very lucky that i have found a treatment, unlucky i had to be confined to bed with no use of my pelvis before anyone took any notice and that was only due to me finding a private doctor.

My situation with my brother is over i told him to stay away and he thinks i will tell my mum if not, he doesnt know she knows already she wont tell him.

my mum i still see and we are getting on so much better, but she is not allowed to talk to me about my brother, along with other family members that i detest.

i now stick up for my self and realize i have carried much weight for other peoples well fare i kept my mouth shut as a child and took abuse in many different ways from peoples and that has stopped, I'm 40 now and have some life left all be it limited with Lyme Disease, I'm certainly not letting anyone else have any more of it and that includes my mum, its sad to say but if she puts me in the position of us or me i will walk and i think she knows that.

I need my sanity for my own Son and his family to come.

I'm hoping to be here a more often now and help others.
thank you for reading.
xxjxx

 

[Terry]

Good for you. I was in exactly the same position but with me it was my grandfather. My dad still freaks me out with the guilt he now feels cos it was his dad.

I spent years trying to come to terms with it all and like you in the end I realised I had to do what was best for me. It helped when the bastard died.

 

[gentlelady]

I am glad to hear that you have gotten your life on track and decided it was time to take care of you. I am sorry that your brother did the things to you he did, but you have succeeded despite them. Good for you hun. My nemesis was an uncle. And to this day I have not told anyone in my family. I applaud your strength and courage.