I don't know what to do...

[Xistence]

I don't know what to do anymore...

Life has just gotten too painful. I feel so alone all of the time even though I have 3-4 friends. It just feels like nobody really cares about how I feel. I don't really want to die, but I can't get rid of the suicidal feelings. I have some online friends, but I feel like I am just a burden to everyone. I had this one person that I always went to, and she swears I am not bothering her, but I feel like I am driving her away.

I guess I just want to be loved and cared about, but I don't feel like I am worthy of it. I always screw everything up.

Sorry for being an annoyance...

 

[kmi_x3]

i know how do u feel . . ..

you arent a annoyance to anyone
if you have real friends , they will help u anyways

id like to help u , but my original lenguage is spanish
so , sorry if my english is bad

but if u want , we can be friends^^
[email protected]

 

[Angelo_91]

yes but its sorta annoying to your friend when all you guys ever talk about is you and your depression. i respect Xistence for tryin to hold it all in, but i think it's time you get some councelling if the sun jus doesnt seem to shine. you have my luck xistence

 

[Xistence]

I try to never talk about it with anyone when I can avoid it. I just don't want to make anyone hate me. I feel like I can't go on any more at times though.

I have an appointment with someone in a few weeks.

 

[Xistence]

Sorry for posting, but this is one of the worst nights I have had in a while...

I can't get away from the suicidal feelings

 

[Reki]

It sounds like other people's opinions of you is a pretty big deal. I used to feel like that a lot myself. I think improving your self image would help a lot in that department. When you're unhappy with yourself you can tell yourself that people's opinions of you don't matter but they still do. I would say the first step to feeling better would be to try and sort out the kinks in your life, build some self confidence, people on a whole are attracted to that and you'll make some friends along the way. Feeling confident is just a side effect of being happy with your life, confidence cannot be faked for any significant length of time either, you either are or you are not. I think you should give it a try, things seem much brighter when you are sure of yourself regardless of the opinions of others.

 

[GoldenPsych]

I feel the same. My boyfriend has just said to me that he really loves me so much. He said "I know that I say I love you as a matter of course but these past couple of months I have fallen in love with you all over again as you have turned things around". He doesnt know that since Jan I have taken 3 overdoses and have drank my self in to such a state that have passed out and woke up in hospital. I dont talk to him. I dont talk to my friends inface I tend to avoid them as I dont wanna talk to them about how I feel. One of my counsellors has said that it may be a reason that I feel so angry as I dont talk to anyone but I cant. I need to see my boyfriend happy so I dont tell him how I really feel.I dont tell him that all I think about is methods of how I can end it. He is happy at the moment. He thinks I am doing ok. Obviously the doc and counsellors I have seen know that at the moment things are prob as bad as they have been so far but I cant let him know that.

A major problem of mine is confiding in people and it messes me up. Please talk to someone before you get in the same position. If I told anyone now it would be letting them down. Go and see a counsellor, your dr anyone who can talk to.
xxx

 

[GoldenPsych]

To me peoples opinions of me are really important. It feels like I cant let anyone down so I am putting on this front that everything is ok when it is far from the truth. Go and talk to someone before it gets to be to late.
xxxx

 

[Xistence]

I have an appointment in a week and a half.

It seems like everyone is better off when I am not around. I am trying to change the way I look and my personality, but I guess I have finally realized that I am a worthless piece of trash.

 

[Reki]

To me peoples opinions of me are really important. It feels like I cant let anyone down so I am putting on this front that everything is ok when it is far from the truth. Go and talk to someone before it gets to be to late.
xxxx

Hey golden, I hear you. I've known a lot of people that have a similar agenda, other people's needs first before their own. Being selfless is a great thing and a wonderful piece of personality for anyone to have. Still, it is alright to go ahead and let people down sometimes, it shows that you are human just like the rest of us. Trying to force it all to be alright when it is not is unfair to yourself and can drive a person crazy. Maybe you would feel a little better if you let it all out to someone and felt heard. It will not make the problem go away but it may give you the strength to cope with and deal with it. Knowing there is someone out there who knows what you are going through sort of makes it feel like it is alright to feel that way, in a strange sort of way.

 

[Xistence]

I can't talk to any of the people I care about. I don't want to make them hate me. :sad:
I am trying my hardest to make it one more week until my appointment. :sad:
Sorry for posting.

 

[tourniquet77]