I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Laus, Apr 5, 2008.

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  1. Laus

    Laus Member

    I feel as though my life is falling apart. I thought I was doing things that would help me but everything has gone terribly wrong. I have applied to uni, re-established contact with some old friends and I have tried - God have I tried - to think optimistically about my future. I just can't take it anymore. People do NOT take depression seriously. Mental illness is stigmatised and people are made to feel like shit because they are not well or able to do what other people do. People who haven't been through depression are so ignorant. I can't stand the clich├ęd responses or the assumptions that people make e.g., "all it takes is willpower", "you can choose to get better", "if you do this or that, you will feel great (like me!)"... "Stop having a pity party", "why don't you think about someone else for a change", "if you were going to kill yourself, you would have done it by now". I witness people saying stuff like this to seriously ill people. I can't stand it! Do we need a tumour the size of a grape fruit to be taken seriously? People think that, because they can't see anything to indicate someone has depression, that they have a right to put people down or to ignore them completely. I honestly don't know what to do. There is nothing I can do. I'm just stuck in this hellhole and I don't see a way forward. I hurt everyday and it's all too much. If I could get better by doing what everyone suggests then I would have been well months ago. I have tried just about everything there is to try. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't trying. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey laus,

    i agree, it can be so hurtful to hear those kind of comments but it really just illustrates their complete ignorance about depression. would they say to someone with a broken leg that they should use willpower to get better? no, they'd suggest an xray, a cast, maybe, some physio to learn to walk again. if you have depression it's the same, except you have a broken spirit or soul. that's how i look at it.

    it is so hard to see the way forward, as you say, when you are in the middle of depression, but it is there. with support, and treatment, you will start to heal, in fact, i believe that the ability to heal is within each of us, no matter how desperate we feel.

    for me, counselling, mental health supports, meds and exercise are helping me emerge from depression. i tried for months to 'think' my way out... i found myself going over and over the same issues in my mind, and at the end of the day i was just digging myself in deeper. for me, the support of the mental health services at my local hospital kept me going until, ever so slowly, i started to feel better.

    the best thing i learned was that to get better you have to stop thinking and start doing. for instance, no matter how suicidal and depressed i felt, i went out of the house for 5 minutes each day to go for a short walk and some fresh air. i didn't wait until i felt like going out, until i was motivated or was in a mood to exercise, instead i went out every day. i couldn't have achieved this on my own, but every day (at first, every week later) the community psych nurse called and checked in on me. did i eat? exercise? sleep? and so on.

    anyhow, this was just one little example, but the idea is 1. action precedes motivation and 2. get some supports in place to help you with this.

    you say you have tried everything there is to try? can i ask you what kinds of things you have tried?

  3. Laus

    Laus Member


    Thank you for your response. I agree; action does precede motivation and support is paramount. I do try to live 'normally'. I am really glad you are starting to get your life back on track.

    I'm 20, on a gap year but I am not excited about going to uni in October. I have social anxiety but I am trying to overcome this. I have been on medication since September. The first antidepressant helped with my anxiety but not with my depression and the one I am on now obviously isn't doing the trick, either (I have been on it for a few months now). My doctor has only just referred me to a specialist and I had my first counselling session last week. I can't explain how terrible and exhausted I feel. I feel tired when I do nothing but I feel even worse when I put in an effort e.g. go to see a friend, go to the shop etc. I do walk a lot... the other night I went for a brisk walk but I had to turn back because I was frightened I might do something stupid. I know I sound ridiculous but it's so hard to live like this.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i also have just started therapy, although i've beeng using other things to treat depression for the last 3 months. i think that with therapy perhaps you can often expect to feel a bit worse before you get better, but counselling is overall a positive step towards wellness. for one, it means you are strong enough to talk about your feelings.

    i know it is hard to live with depression and feeling suicidal, not to mention your other challenges. but the important thing is that you are doing the right things. be sure and tell your counsellor how you feel, like if you are more suicidal then it can help them take a different approach in counselling in order for you to be safe, which is the main thing.

    i know what it's like to be exhausted, and all i can say is that you won't always feel this way. it does get better.
  5. Laus

    Laus Member

    I hope you are right.

    I didn't say I was feeling suicidal. I'm worried that if I'm too honest she may try to section me, or something. I don't really know how the system works. I will be seeing her next Wednesday so perhaps I could bring it up with her then. Every day just feels like a constant battle.

    I cannot cope with people who do not believe that depression exists. It makes me feel awful to think that people think those with mental health problems are pitiful and attention seeking. I wish I could get past this but I just can't.

    I don't understand anything and I feel guilty because I can't cope :unsure:.

    Thank you for your reassurance. I hope things continue to go well for you.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i am what is called 'acutely suicidal' and i was not admitted, so you do have some measure of control. my shrink knows, my counsellor knows and the nursing team knows. i'm just trying to stay alive even though part of me wants to die...

    instead, here we have somthing called 'day hospitals' that are affiliated with the pysch unit at the main hospital. i go for outpatient treatment there. for instance, when i'm in crisis the nurse makes home visits twice a week and phones every other day.

    people who think depression is about attention seeking just don't know much about depression. do your best to not internalize their attitudes. you and i both know that it is so much more, it is exhausting and a real challenge to survive. my nurse recommended this great book: depression, a common sense approach - maybe your library has it?

  7. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    yeah i hate when people underrate real depression, they dont even know mental pain can be 10x worse than physical pain.
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