I dont know what to do..

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Passion, May 29, 2008.

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  1. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    I dont know if this belongs here or in the relationships forum..cause this is technically about abuse...
    lets see how to start this...

    okay, so, im just gonna give you guys a summary of what happened.
    I was dating this girl, and we had a semi-open relationship (what a bad idea that turned out to be) where we would let each other date guys and such as well.
    and she was always in love with me, and i was in love with her, and the guys were sort of just...there...and the guys had to be okay with that or we wouldnt date them. it was sorta complicated? but, one day, she meets this guy. then she decides shes in love with him. she loses her virginity to him. and then he starts to get really really abusive and rapes her and beats her and its aweful. and i had to just standby watching the love of my life in so much pain. she wouldnt leave him.
    then one day, well, they were both at my house...she had brought him over even tho i didnt want her to...and well....he ended up raping me. and she just sat there and didnt do anything to stop him. but, i thought, okay, maybe she was just traumatized and didnt know what to do. but then she told me.
    "I didn't stop him because I knew you really wanted it."
    and i got really upset.
    her and i continued dating for a little bit after that,
    and then she started telling me how he was so much better than me and how great he was and stuff,
    and after awhile, i had had enough and i broke up with her.

    well, now, about two years later,
    she finally breaks up with them. and she really wants to be with me.
    and im not sure waht to do because i really do love her a lot, i always thought she was my soulmate. but i wonder if this would just be putting myself into a toxic relationship again? or is how she acted just because the abuse cycle?

    I also have a different girl right now that I adore, and if i was to go to my ex i would be giving up the new girl who i think is amazing and hasnt done anything to hurt me.

    I dont know what to do. can someone please give me a little advice?
  2. blue542

    blue542 Staff Alumni

    Opinion only.

    If you go back to original girl, the worst times will always be in the back of your mind. Wondering if she'll like someone else and replace you again. It sounds like there are a number of trust-based issues there that would haunt an ongoing relationship.

    If you stay with new girl, you don't have warranted trust issues. There may never be any. She may turn out to be your soul mate. She may also just turn out to be an amazing girl who didn't cause the worst time of your life.

    New girl in my opinion.

    Take care dear
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    I partly agre with blue 542. If she stood there and watched and then said what she said then why go with her. I wouldn't trust her (and I am female). I would stay with the girl you are with if you are happy with her then why through away that happiness.

    I cannot tell you what to do but I just don't want to see you get hurt again.

    However, what she said may have been said to her and it may have been her way of trying not to feel guilty. Having said that this is no excuse for it to have happened. Maybe you should talk to her confront her if you feel able to. But stay with the girl you are with now.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2008
  4. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    Right now my ex gf is sleeping next to me.
    I promised I would at very least be her friend and support her if she broke up with her abusive bf.
    and she did break up with him, and she really started to sound like she knew he was fucked up and needed lots of help and that he was bad for her.
    but then today, she kept saying how nice he was and stuff.
    (and seriously, there is no doubt in my mind that this guy is a sociopath. I'm not just saying this because he was abusive, but his whole personality, how he acts. its not normal. he is a sociopath.)
    and now, I am afraid that she is going to get back together with him.

    oh, so then there is this, that totally just pisses me off.
    First, he said that he has a "split personality" and thats why he was abusive,
    then, he said he was really possesed by a demon.
    (my ex gf is christian so she believes this strongly.)
    but am I the only one that find it strange he changed his story?

    He doesn't know where I live currently, and I tried to bring up to her that I think he is a sociopath, and at first she sort of agreed. and then today she was like "ive been thinking about it. and I dont think he is. hes too nice" and im like. I dont know what to do anymore. but i feel like I am somehow responsible for everything.
  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    You are not responsible. Just carrying on being a suportive friend. You do not have to like what she is doing and saying but you are the one that she seems to trust and talk to and will come back to if things got out of hand.

    Maybe you should sit down and do a pros and cons list with her she sounds confused and maybe this will help her sort her feelings out for her.

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