I don't know what to do!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by thelewischild, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. thelewischild

    thelewischild Member

    In the summer, I met and fell madly in love with a guy who I thought was the embodiment of everything I wanted in a guy, with a few extra endearing flaws and qualities I thought I’d hate but loved in him. He made it seem as though he was into me, even though he had a girlfriend – he even said “If I were single, I would date you”. He lives abroad and I went to visit him and at some point randomly during a conversation, he said “I don’t fancy you” and it killed me. Furthermore, as I’m bisexual, he has tried to set me up with a female friend of his. I realised the other day that I am still in love with him. I want closure and I want to know what made him lead me on, what he was thinking, if he ever liked me at all. I have been left feeling unattractive, especially as no-one ever seems to show any interest in me. I am angry at him, but more so I am angry at myself. Recently he has stopped talking to me, and my immediate thoughts are that he despised me and is therefore blanking me. Any thoughts on whether I should stay friends with him, tell him I love him, or just move on – if the latter, HOW?
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    this is tough. i've been in this place. . . most of us have at one time. right now i'm getting divorced. . .and i am relieved that i have lost all feelings for my husband. so it is '''''easy''''' for me to 'suggest' how to handle this - but the fact is - when you love or care for someone, it's SO hard to lose them.

    what has helped me move on, is leaning on my friends, lots of people here, and taking care of mySELF....and i soon realized it is a form of self-hatred, to love someone who does not love you back.

    my 2 cents worth only - i think it is more caring for yourself ....to detach completely from this guy. don't give him any '''ego'''....he seems full of that already. ... :dry:

    and by all means, be good to yourself during this time. it is really really hard, i know it, and you can reach out here, anytime. :hug:
  3. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Personally, I would ask him why the hell he said he would date you if he was single, but doesn't fancy you.
  4. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    just stay away from him . over time, your thoughts about him would be less and less and you'd be okay then.
  5. thelewischild

    thelewischild Member

    Thanks for all the advice. You are absolutely right, he has far too big an ego already. I just got in too deep. I would ask him why the hell he said he would date me if he was single, but doesn't fancy me, but I don't want to vex him and he's not even talking to me. I want answers, but without revealing that I love him (even if he already suspects it), because I don't want to let him win. Unforunately, staying away doesn't seem to have helped - it seems to have just augmented the anxious speculation :sad:
  6. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    just a note here to you . . . . it is perhaps that you are '''too much'' for him.

    from even the short posts i have read by you, it is obvious that you are a person of intelligence and even better....DEPTH. sure, all men WANT that. but some, cannot deal with it. . . . ..

    just sayin.......
  7. thelewischild

    thelewischild Member

    Aaw, thank you very much - that has cheered me up no end. I don't know about "too much", but he has made odd comments before to the effect that I seem "too intelligent". Thank you, I like to think I have depth - perhaps a little too much for my own good most of the time, but it's nice to hear it :biggrin: Unfortunately, I have been left thinking he may have a point - not in a boastful sense that I think I'm abnormally intelligent or anything, but now I feel I shouldn't make my own insights in class, just in case other people don't understand (I often get blank looks in English lessons - this is what comes of sitting around reading whilst everyone else is at parties - you develop a bizarre vocabulary or end up making strange references to "De Profundis"). It's ridiculous - he governs my life even when he isn't there! *sigh* I'm FAR too impressionable, for someone who doesn't follow fashion.