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I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Avarice, Feb 27, 2009.

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  1. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Hey hey, I'm kind of new here, but desperately need help on what to do.

    May last year I met a wonderful guy. He seemed genuine, nice, kind, not at all pervy and very sweet. He told me he was falling for me and we were pretty much "together". It was a net relation, and we weren't properly dating because he disliked net relations as they often give problems. As time went on though we saw and referred to eachother as "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". We planned a future, how many kids, weddings, life, etc. He lives in another country not so far away and planned to move to where I live anyway, and he arranged to visit here in April (this April). Last November I found out he was cheating on me the whole time, but I took him back. We argued for months on end, with short breaks inbetween where it was kind of like old times, then just last weekend I find out he cheated on me with not one, but four other girls. He was even engaged to one of them. It also turns out he isn't the person I thought, he's a dirty pervert who had role play oral sex with a 14 year old when he's 19 himself. He claims to love me, and he never felt a thing for them, but I don't know what to do. I love him and without him life isn't worth living. He wants me to stay with him, says that I can check up on him all the time with Remote Assistance, knowing his passwords, etc., but due the amount of lies he's told (he denied the cheating over and over for the past 5 months) I don't think I can risk being hurt by him again.

    So you see. I can stay with him and run the very high risk of being hurt again, and being right back where I am now, or leave him for good. Both options of which eventually lead me to wanting to die. I don't look when I cross the roads anymore, I don't care if I mess my future up by doing crap in my exams, I just want someone to come along and stab me so it can all be over with. On top of this, I have hardly any friends. Those I do have only ever go on about themselves, or just don't want to know or give me the time of day or even just basically tell me to leave him, when it's not as simple as that, nor is it going to help in any way.

    What on earth am I supposed to do?
  2. Alais

    Alais Well-Known Member

    I wish I had a clear cut answer for you, but it actually comes in stages. I think first I would say to you that YOU, in and of yourself, are enough of a reason to live for. If you are valuable to him, you are valuable to a lot of people and potentially valuable to a lot of people you haven't even met yet. Including other guys. To say you can't live without another person is too limiting. That would mean you define yourself by him which is asking a lot since the person you are was shaped over many years and you've only known him for a much shorter period of time. He is not who you are. He didn't create your smile, you did. He didn't create your laugh - that was you. There is so much you can accomplish on your own for yourself. Unfortunately, for someone who displays his types of behaviour, it's been my experience that they don't change. They enjoy what they're doing and they'll go to great lengths to protect their lifestyle. I know it's cliche, but the fact that it's true is what makes it cliche, there IS a better guy out there for you who will make you happy and treat you right. Hang in there and keep trying.
  3. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    completely agree with alais 100%.

    you need to do whats best for YOU and not what is best for him. it seems his had it his way for too long now and i honestly do think you would be better off without him. you sound like your doubting the relationship just by having written the post in the first place and so i think you know in your heart that the best option is to leave him and have fun on your own. do things that make you happy.

    are you sure that its not him thats made you feel so worthless because if there is any small chance that it is then you really are better off without him and alive. theres someone out there for everyone. just because he isnt the one for you doesnt mean that you stop trying. work on yourself, who you are and get your self-confidence back because this guy seems to have dragged it down to your probable all time low.

    am always a pm away if ever you need to talk :hug:
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