I don't know what to do..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by brittini, Mar 16, 2009.

  1. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member

    I have a boyfriend, Zach; we've been together for a little over two years (since Dec 11, 2006). I'm 22 (almost 23) and he just turned 19 this past December. I'm so much in-love with him, I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't get close to anyone hardly ever (esp in person). Our relationship is very rocky.. he works allllll the time (mechanic) and we hardly ever see eachother. When we do see eachother is when he gets off work, most of the time around 10 at night, and I go over his house (he still lives with his parents, as do I) and all we do is watch tv and go to sleep, wake up the next morning and do it all over again. It's even that way on the weekends. Actually, I see him more on weekdays than weekends; on weekends, he stays at the shop til, sometimes, around 3 or 4 in the morning then doesn't wake up on Sunday til aruond 2 or 3 in the afternoon and goes right back up to the shop. His friends are up there with him all the time and they see him a hell of a lot more than I get to see him (I don't drive so I can't drive up there myself). When I'm actually with him at his house late at night, I try to talk to him. He tells me hes busy even though all hes doing is looking through his car mags or watching tv or showering. He doesn't even call or text me on his own unless it's to tell me hes on his way home or he's going to bed. He never says 'I love you' first or tells me he misses me. He calls me retarded and says I'm worthless and useless all the time (since I don't have a job, no money and no car even though he knows the situation I'm in - long story). It seems like he doesn't even wanna be with me or only wants to be with me for sex or just to say he has a girlfriend. Whenever I say that to him, even in a nice way, he gets pissed off at me. The only time he really talks to me, as in an actual conversation, is when it's about him or his cars or work. Anything other than that, he gives really short, one-word answers or barely even says a sentance. Don't get me wrong, we do have good times though, it's just very rare that we do. Every single time I try to talk to him about us, about this relationship, he gets really quiet or he ignores it. I don't know what to make of it all. In the past, he's talked to me about it, very little, and he's said he doesn't know what to do. I can't understand any of it though. Is he tired of me? He tells me he wants to be with me but is he confused and really doesn't know? He tells me I think too much about it but I really don't think I do, I only go off of what's going on, or lack thereof, in our relationship. I don't understand him. I don't understand this relationship at all and every single day I feel like we're drifting more and more apart. I could handle this a lot better if I wasn't so much in-love with him. If I didn't love him soooo much, it would be a lot easier to break it off and move on but I can't. I fucking can't and I don't know what to do! I feel so sick to my stomach again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2009
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    im still struggeling to understand the male mind, sometimes i even think they have none.. ;)

    noo but you both sound different..
    He seems kind of closed, like most guys..
    and you seem very open, like most girls..

    you got to meet eachother half way.. Maybe you do think too much, dont wanna blame you, but compared to him you probably do
    and the other way around..

    youre prob more mature in this aswell..

    Maybe you should tell him straight up, what you feel and how he makes you feel. and that you are willing to solve it but he is got to step up too and try to make it work..

    You are in a relationship together..

    and lay off a little. Im kind of similar to you i think, i think too much. I think of things that never even crossed my bf mind and he wonders wtf i am talking about ;)

    love hurts.. its a good thing, cause if it didn't there wouldnt be emotions involved

    :hug:

    boy are stupid, throw rocks at them! :)
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he needs money, maybe he planning to move out of his
    parents house, and thats why hes so focused on his job.

    Plus you should remember, working person is a tired person
    when he comes back home after a long day at work he want some time
    for himself, he want to rest, and so on...
    It is always like that for most couples, and now with the crisis when
    everyone are holding to thair jobs the best they can!
    So give him a brake and work out your issues with your emotions
    sounds like you are obsessed with him...

    And sure he will be pissed off...
    If i would of worked 12\14 hours a day and my g\f would of telling me this
    sort of crap i would of be VERY pissed off!

    And one last thing, working class of people lives like that:
    Work ---> rest (TV or SEX) ---> sleep ----> Work ----> Rest ----> Sleep
    the rest part is the most important here as the more you work the less
    you have time to rest (lets put it as "me" time, time that we spend to actualy live)
    from what you said, he workd a lot, therfore he have a very little time
    to actualy do things he want, and he dont want to spend this time
    hearing how you, as his g\f, bought a new pents today...
     
  4. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member

    I think you're right. It's just extremely hard to let him go ya know? We've broken up about three times already but we keep comming back to eachother.

    Thank you so much :hug:
     
  5. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    haha

    andrew proofs how different we as females think..

    guess you just got a raw version of what your bf is thinking.. :dry:

    but im sure that he loves you too :)

    :hug:
     
  6. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member


    I do give him his time, plenty of time, to himself. I don't bug him all the time about it either. I'm always rubbing his back, making him brownies, asking him how his day was, things like that. He already makes a lot of money and spends it all on racing parts fir his car he alse keeps buying different cars so I highly doubt he's saving up to move out, I've tried talking to him about that and he's fine with living there for now. I cater to him, constantly.
     
  7. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member


    Lol, I know right?! :p

    I just don't understand Zach since he won't talk about anything but cars, ya know? He won't even consider going to see this King Tut thing with me here in Dallas. Plus, when we've gone to concerts together in the past, he starts getting mad for no reason. We went and saw Alice Cooper a couple years ago and he got mad at me for trying to find our seats for us cuz he was complaining about walking! I just don't even know. I don't bug him about anything, just very rarely about him actually talking to me and at least act like he cares. When I talk to him, he tunes me out and listens to the tv. It's sooo frustrating, and I'm not trying to talk to him about "the new pants I bought", I try to talk to him about how rough of a time I'm having here at home or what's going on with my college stuff and my plans that I'm trying to get going, like moving.
     
  8. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    aah he is being an ass..

    what happens if you leave him alone for a while, does he seek contact?
     
  9. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member

    Not too much, I do leave him alone pretty much all the time anyway. I only text him and tell him I love him or miss him and he replies back "No" or "No you don't". When I do leave him alone and let him do the contacting, he only calls or texts me when he's going to bed which is really late at night, like around 11pm or later.
     
  10. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    mm i know you love him

    but he really doesnt deserve you..
    atleast not when he is acting like this..
    You deserve way better than that..

    No man is worth your tears, and if he is, he wont make you cry!

    Does he make you make happy? Can you honestly say that you get as much as you give?

    i know it is soo easy for me to say to move on and bla bla bla..

    But you do deserve way better..
    A nice guy who supports you in everything. Im not saying that he is shitty but he isnt really being the best man he can be right now..

    For whatever reason.. it doesnt make it ok..
     
  11. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well he is 19... i will not be surprised if he loves his cars more then he loves you...
    Infact when i was 19 i didnt even knew what love is... cared moustly about sex
    My advice, if you want a good and healthy relations, find an older guy
    Again i take myself as example, im 24 now and i dont care about cars
    or night clubs any more

    and by the way, it is difficult to find a "normal" girl just as it is difficult
    for a girl to find a "normal" guy...
     
  12. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    have to agree with andrew on finding an older more stable guy..
    someone who has your best interest at heart..

    doesnt have to be now, right away..

    but there is a huge difference between men and boys
     
  13. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member


    That's exactly how I'm thinking too. If we break up again, I don't want him to come back again like before cuz I know it'll be the same ya know? I'm so confused about it all. And, I keep thinking he may just need time to grow up. He has grown up a lot since we've been together so I keep staying with him, hoping he'll grow up some more. Lol :p
     
  14. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I agree with Andrew too. Too bad Zach isn't older already though. >.<
     
  15. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    After reading through your posts here the one big question that jumps in to my mind is 'What is it that you love about this guy?' I'm not doubting that you do love him, I just wondered why. He certainly doesn't seem to be treating you as well as you deserve. Hope you can resolve all these things. Best wishes.S.
     
  16. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member


    Thank you. :)

    The reason I'm so much in-love with him is because of the way he makes me feel when we're doing okay and when we actually do spend time together. The little things he does makes me melt, or just seeing him do his thing makes me love him even more. We have had so much fun in the past, it's just been here lately it's gotten really bad. We use to go to the movies, out to eat, go hang out at places down here, ride his 4wheeler around and just hang out, not always spending money with is totally fine with me. I just loving being with him even if we are doing his stuff.
     
  17. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    That all sounds really good and more how a good relatiunship should be. You say he seems to be working a lot at the moment. I just wonder if he's working so hard because he has some kind of financial trouble. It could be that he is too embarrassed about this to admit it to you which would explain his reluctance to talk. Just a thought.
     
  18. brittini

    brittini Well-Known Member

    That could be possible, good thought. We were texting earlier about some things and he said he's trying to get himself setup. I'm thinking by that he means get his name around of how well he is with cars and fixing them. A few months ago, he was wanting me to make business cards for him then he kinda changed his mind and said something about wanting to get his name out there. I know he has a lot of pressure on him and is wanting to get his own life going.. I just want to know how he's feeling about this relationship more and what he's thinking about as a future together. Maybe he doesn't know or maybe he doesn't think about that kinda stuff. He's a very quiet guy anyway and doesn't talk much. I don't wanna keep bugging him about all of this and keep on bringing it up but I need to know what he's thinking about this so I know what to think and what to do to plan my future. I know I should do what's best for me but I'm really wanting this guy in my life for a long time if not forever. I just don't wanna screw this up and keep bugging him but at the same time, I think he does need to talk to me about things like all of this.
     
  19. Pr3cious

    Pr3cious New Member

    I been in same situation, but my boyfriend ended with me. He acted exactly the same as you mentioned how your boyfriend acted (but with different things of course). And the reason is the "spark" and the "desire" he had for me has gone away. People get tired, people need something new. Human are made to get tired of things.

    Im sorry to hear what happened, I feel you. Im still not over him myself. I wish I could.