I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by whitewall3740, Mar 13, 2010.

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  1. whitewall3740

    whitewall3740 New Member

    I've had insomnia for the past few months. I'm so tired of my life. Nothing is good about it. Nothing. Nobody cares about me. My mom and her new husband hate me, shun me, and I could never open up to them about ANYTHING much less feelings this deep. I'm poor but go to a school with all middle class or rich people so my self esteem is even lower, and I have no friends because of this because they're all shallow expletives who judge people by how much money their parents make. My real dad is a bum who I haven't seen since I was like 5 and he died last week.

    I never get anything nice...even on my birthday and christmas I get nothing, not even a card or a "merry christmas" or "happy birthday". I get really bitter when I see people at my school getting their new cars and taking vacations to europe while I get absolutely nothing. Can you blame me? There's nothing they did better than me other than get lucky and actually have decent parents.

    I'm so lonely it's crippling. It honestly feels like shards of glass are piercing my chest and I have an intense headache right now and it's making me all twitchy. I spend my days locked in my room in the internet in isolation, there's nothing else for me to do. I've never had any kind of relationship because I'm gay so that just further complicates matters.

    I want to kill myself but my body won't do it. My mind kept telling my body to do it but my body won't listen. I'm trying to find websites to tell me how to kill myself but nobody gives good advice. I feel like I'm being tortured, like I'm trapped and there's no way to escape this hell. I can't even go get help because when I tried to years ago they locked me in a hospital against my will and didn't help me at all except prescribing me happy pills, then sent me to a therapist who always found a way to spin my problems into being my fault and made me feel even worse. I hate them. They can't help me.

    What can I do??
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    The obvious answer here is that you need to try and get out more to make some friends. If you are so lonely, I bet you don't enjoy sitting alone everyday on the internet. I'm a bit like you, I spend my days inside too, but the difference is that I enjoy it. Even so, I'm getting tired of it, after spending a year away from the rest of the world.

    It's a good thing that you can't get good advice on how to kill yourself because suicide is not the answer. Are you still on medication? If so, does it help? I am sorry to hear that your therapist was a crappy one, but that doesn't mean that they all are. Maybe you should try seeing a different one (if you can afford it), or a counsellor.

    Like I said before, you need to try and get out more. It can be hard at first, but it will get easier the more you do it. Are there any clubs or group activities that go on in your town/city? They can be quite helpful. Other than that, I suggest you keep on posting here and share your thoughts, you'll probably make some friends here along the way.

    Welcome to the forums.
  3. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    I'm not saying that I have any decent advice. But I relate to how your feeling. I also feel trapped in a similar way. It's just horrible. I am listening anyway.
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