I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadgirl2, Oct 1, 2006.

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  1. sadgirl2

    sadgirl2 Active Member

    I am recently divorced (April 06). It was my doing. My fault. I split up the family. I felt like I couldn't take things anymore and marriage counceling wasn't helping. Our son, now 16 moved in with my ex about two months (Feb) after we split (Dec 05). He doesn't want to live with me. My 24 yr old daughter lives her for now.

    My ex called tonight and said he couldn't take it anymore and that we needed to go back to court about our son. I told him I would take him home, but they both said no. My son does not want to live with me. My ex can't handle things anymore. He lets him do whatever he wants and I have rules over here tht my son doesn't want to live by.

    I went over their house to try and help, but as usual wasn't much help. I was just told this is all my fault (It is) and that I never do anything to help. He says I'm not supportive and if we would have stayed together we would not be in this place. He right. I just don't know what to do. I feel like not trying anymore. I'm not crying, not upset, I'm not anything. I feel like the worst mom in the world and like I should have just tried to make it until our son graduated high school at least.

    I'm ok with dying. I have thought about it a long time. I feel at peace with it. I have a will. I wanted to make sure my old family would have enough money to help themselves move forward. And I think is tonight the night? I wish I could magically be dead. I think I am too much of a wuss to go through with it.

    Sorry about the posting. I'm an idiot.
  2. max911

    max911 Well-Known Member

    If you're a idiot then I'm a lobotomy test subject.

    All teenagers have trouble, my mother and father divorced when I was 4 years old. I'm currently 17 and I give my mom quite a bit of grief, I am polite and she is at times nerotic but shes still my mother. As much as I get angry at my mother and father if I lost either I wouldn't function. Offer to help your son if he ever needs it and let him make his own decisions, if he falls in a rut, help him, he wants to be independant and he wants to make his own mistakes, let him do it, it's the best a mother can do and by helping him and being there instead of ending yourself and just becoming a burden to him you give him a chance to really be happy.

    Your daughter seems to still want your guidance, or still needs your help with at least shelter and a launching point for the rest of her life, by killing yourself you would do horrible things to both your children.

    Do whats right, live, if not for you, for them.

    I'm here if you need me.
  3. sadgirl2

    sadgirl2 Active Member

    I do try and be there for my son whenever he needs me. I see him every day. Pick him up from school, take him places just to have any chance I can get to talk to him, to stay in his world and him in mine. I just don't know if it is enough.

    Thanks so much for your input
  4. max911

    max911 Well-Known Member

    And if he can't appreciate that now, then he will appreciate it later. Trust me. :)

    It's almost like when you go through school, you think it is the pits, you hate it, it's hard, yada yada yada, but afterwards you miss it.

    Tell the judge what you just said to me and I'm sure you'll never have your ex gain full custody. I'm sure if I ever knew you I'd be happy, you seem like someone who has so much to give, and you do, you just need to let yourself be happy.:smile:

    And no problem, I hope I helped. :)
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You're not an idiot - you're a mother going thru rough times, you're a human being with feelings. Please take care of yourself, whether that be thru counseling, medication or whatever you need to do well for your self.:smile: Your life has value and you are here on earth for a reason, even if you don't know why. Please don't let the bad feelings get you down. Take things one minute, one hour, one day at a time. There is always hope:smile: and in case you don't have much of that, I'm sending you some of my own!:smile: :smile:

    hope and hugs for you,

  6. Lou

    Lou Well-Known Member

    Your not an idiot.....I'm here if you ever want to talk.

    {{{hugs}}} to you x
  7. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    sad girl2,
    Stop blaming yourself. You are not an idiot. A mother, a human, a wife, a loving friend, etc. Things happen for a reason. We don't know why. Take your self to a park or to see some lake, water. I was divorced in Dec. 05 and I still cry a lot over it. I feel his misunderstanding of mental iless and my pain after childnirth, stress and crisis events made his overwhelmed feelings say "enough" I wish I had another chance. I want a differnt life so much.
    I miss seeing my 3 yr. old son. Tell your kids how much you think of them maybe they need to know. Might even say you want the best for them and can help in in small ways. They might welcome to know you do care. They may want to feel that. I only speak from experience. I am not an expert, just a hurting person. Many same feelings as you.
    I once told my mom (and she told her mom my grandmother) that I loved her cuz I knew she did the best she did good raising us and did the very best she knew and we (2 twins siblings and me) turned out okay. We did not die, kill ourselves (yet) and 2 of us grad from college. My parents divorced when I was 4. I (stupidly) thought they would reunite until I was 14 or so. They didn't but could sit in the room together. wow!! They never were the kind of parents I wanted, both are both dead now and I miss them bad!!!!!!!!
    Please post your feeling here, find online friends and look for a local theraphist, or depression/divorce group. I pray a lot. Ask God to help me go on and fight to see my son. Understand myself. I love SF and need my meds to cope.
    If you want someone to listen, send me a PM. Many of us have been there.
  8. sadgirl2

    sadgirl2 Active Member

    I had quite an eventful afternoon. After I got home from church and just started to relax I got an hysterical call from my son. I made out that his girlfriend had broken up with him (again!), that his dad had gotten into a fight with her friends and family and that the police were there. It took alot to get that much information. Took a bit to figure out where they were. I finally got there. While I was on my way, my son gets a call that his best friends mom and little brother were on a motorcycle and hit by a car. She is in really bad shape. As soon as the cops would let my son leave we headed for the hospital. They did not arrest his dad.

    We get to the hospital and find out they cannot stop the mom's bleeding. I was there about three hours and 10 pints of blood and they still did not have it under control. Her pelvis was badly shattered and she had a large laceration on her thigh. Her son (about 8), had a broken pelvis bone and chipped elbow.

    My son and I are very worried for them. My son finally asked to go home to leave the family alone. He didn't want to go to his dads at first, but then decided to. I just told him if his dad tried to start things up again ask if they could table it due to everything that is going on. I tried to get him to stay at my house, but he didn't want to. I asked him to think about starting to stay at my house at least some of the time and if there are things he wants to talk about ahead of time I am very open to that.
  9. sadgirl2

    sadgirl2 Active Member

    I just got a call from my son. His friends mother did not make it. What a tragic day. I feel so bad for them. His little brother will be in the hospital a few more days. We are going to get him something and see him tomorrow.:sad:
  10. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    For future note, check out www.memory-of.com it is a special place to make a memorial for people you love and care for. :sad: :sad: :sad:

    I amvery very sorry to hear this news. Makes you step back and really look at life, family and time. My thoughts are with you and her family.

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