i dont know what to do

its been 22 days since i last cut. i decided to tell my mate id been cutting she made me promise to stop. the look of horror on my face when she saw them does help me from doing it. but really what i want is to kill myself. one of the only reasons i dont commit suicide is because i dont want a stranger to find my body yet i couldnt let one of my family or friends find me because it could scar them for life. the other main reason is my suicide would just be some gossip for people to talk about like any other thing. i dont want my friends to have to listen to everyone talking about me doing it why i did it or someone to tell my mum she wasnt a good mum so thats why i did it. if i solve a way for that to happen id do it right now. jump out my window, hang myself or overdose. please help i dont want to feel this way

 

Hello blondeellen (and a welcome to SF.)

Where does the wish to commit suicide come from?
Can't you change something in your life to make it a bit more bearable?

Can you talk to the mate of yours you give the promise to?
Maybe he can understand. Or just listen to your pain.
Sometimes this is liberating, too.

It made me happy to read that you consider your surroundings.
It's really hard to loose a loved one under such conditions.

 

hey welcome to the forum :hug: please reach out for support and friends here as much as you can.... hopefully we can help

 

i was bullied for 5 years really badly. my older sister says it was fashionable to bully me thats what it was like. i have left that school now thank god. but everyone from there still thinks oh its just her we can be horrible to her whenever we like. its like im my schools mental punch bag. homes not great either. im think my parents are splitting up my little sister is miss popular (we decided not to tell people we are sisters) and she often calls me fat, ugly and weirdo, and although it seems silly i hate that not a single guy has ever been interested in me people have started to ask if im a lesbian because iv not had a bf :/ so basically everythings building up

 

awww blondellen I am so sorry to hear this but please don't let it drag you down they are all idiots its whats on the inside that counts and from just the way you say you do not want to hurt anyone if you commit suicide I can tell you are a kind loving person and any guy or girl that gets you will be very lucky because it doesn't matter what you are only two thing matter in life what you can do and what you can't do and if you scream and fight and refuse to take no for an answer you can do anything you put your mind to please stay strong and please please keep posting and let us know whats happening we all want to help.

 

Dear blondeellen,

I agree with Ritsu - they are just being ignorant. Don’t let their ignorance put you down. Have faith in the beauty inside you. Be your own best friend. Do something that makes you feel good…(I had similar experiences and I wanted to kill myself when I was about 13 and I’m so glad I didn’t. I spent quite a few years alone, mainly reading books...)

I invite you to have a look at the video clip below - see how Nick made it with no legs or arms…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8ZuK...eature=related

Don’t think too much about your parents’ split. If it happens, there will be some kind of arrangements and you will find a way to deal with it…

Let your inner beauty shine out. You would be amazed how your life can turn around…

Love and hugs

 

hmm i wish i could avoid them all but i go to college with some and a lot live in my town :/
if they do split i know i'll be fine once its sorted. but i dont know how to deal with the uncertainty and arguments.

stories like his do inspire me but they also make me think well arnt i pathetic :/
he manages and he has it a lot worse than me im just a bit fat, ugly and unloved.
he has no arms and no legs but he gets on with it and is happy about it.

thankyou for your kind words and i'll try and work on being happy and forgetting the bullies

 

Good for you, blondeellen - You know what's inside us can take us far in life and it's what brings us true happiness...

All the best to you!

 

Are you getting any help for these feelings? Any counselling or medication?

 

im not getting either.
i plan to set up some counselling once i go back to college (on monday)

 

Do not get down on yourself with not having a boyfriend, when it happens it will happen. Just try to find people in new places, I know it is hard personally because I have social phobias. The best I can say is just try to meet new people and perhaps you can find someone. I didn't really have a girlfriend till my last year in college, and she's now my fiance. The best I had was one or two dates.

On the bully aspect I understand because I was singled out by people. I basically had one friend to high school then he ditched me. Then I made friends in my senior year of high school who eventually ditched me a year ago. The best thing is just to keep on trying and ignoring the jerks. They only do what they do because they feel empty about something in their life. Remember they can't deal with something themselves and they are projecting it towards, this may seem depressing, but remember you are a better person. You can solve your own problems and not bring down another human being to deal with it, deal with it with some artistic output, find a game you enjoy. I'm a nerd myself and I say that table top games, video games, reading, and writing are my outputs; I use them also to try to find new people.

Remember what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and remember you are a good person, which is something to be proud of. And try not to think about things in the past, and don't look to far into the future, live today!

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. - Buddha