I haven't felt suicidal for over two and a half years and now I am back to square one again. Sorry if this is a long post... I'm a college student and at college I never feel this way. I am full of life and everything is great. I get upset some times, but it is in the normal way...not like I am now. I'm back home after my first year in college and it is like I never left and everything miserable that I felt here came back full force. My senior year in HS, I had school to look forward to and then college, but now even going back to college doesn't feel like enough. I'm convinced my mother hates me. She loves me, but she hates me. She is disgusted by me or something because I feel like crap in her eyes. I have been looking for a job for over a month now, but NO place is calling me or hiring me. I am only back for two months because I have to leave for school earlier and no one wants that so there is nothing I can do. I have two interviews and one was okay, but my mom is flippping out and screaming all the time. My room just has books on the floor and some pillows and she acts like it is the messiest thing in the world. She woke me up this morning by barging in and saying "Get up, Pig" It has been like this for the last month and if I don't get a job in 4 days she says she is going to kick me out. I've done everything I could and it is not in my hands and yet I am being punished! I've never done drugs, I don't drink, I've never snuck out, I am a 4.0, straight A student and I do volunteer work and yet, she acts like I'm the worst person in the world. People comment on how differently she treats my sister who is her "sweet heart" If I get kicked out, I have no where to go. I can't go to my friends because I'll just be a burden and most of their moms are best friends with my mom. My dad got remarried and is selling his house to move so there is no where to go until college. I've looked up apartments and they all need some kind of lease and I can't break my housing contract I signed for next semester to have a place to live for the next two months. I just don't know what to do and I can't help but think that I should just kill myself and be done with all of this. I've cried every day because I wake up to her complaining about me or someone else and just not talking unless she wants to criticize me. I just can't take it. It takes me longer and longer to calm down. I just want to run away and disappear. But, she helps pay for my college and I can't afford it on my own and don't know where to start in order to do any of that. I don't know where I would go or how to go anywhere else....I'm just so confused and wish there was someone who knew what I could do or where to go or how to run. I don't want to die because I know how much there is to live for, but I feel that it would be better than suffering in all this pain until then... Can anyone help or know something I can do? Please?