I don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CourtneyLee, Jun 16, 2011.

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  1. CourtneyLee

    CourtneyLee New Member


    Hey, I'm new to this site. I am at probably the worst i've ever felt. I have a 3 year old son, and he is the only thing that keeps me going. But sometimes it doesn't seem enough and i wonder if he would be better off with someone else anyway. I can't stand myself, i make myself sick and i really just don't want to be here anymore. I am a violent, angry person and i don't want to be. I have only truly tried to commit suicide once before (everything else is just self harm), but was caught. And i know in myself that if i hadnt been caught, i wouldnt be alive right now, it was that close. Which used to make me happy (knowing i could of died, but didn't), but lately i've been getting depressed again, and i think about hurting myself everyday. I want to be here for my son but i can't deal with life. I just wish i could learn to love myself. My partner is also totally unsupportive. If i self harm i just get called a loser..I hate feeling angry all the time :( Fix/help me? Please.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun your son will always need his mother to love him and hold him I think you should talk to your doctor get on meds perhaps to help with depression get therapy to help deal with your pain and anger time to heal now okay while your son is still young hugs.
     
  3. tenholehweels

    tenholehweels Well-Known Member

    I know just how you feel, i have a 6yr old daughter that is my only
    reason i'm still here. and like you i think sometimes she'd be better
    off without me.

    I have a failed attempt under my belt also, and it made me mad
    that it didn't work.

    This place is a Godsend,there are some really helpful,caring people
    here talk to them and try to hang on.
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Dear Courtney,

    When we find it hard to accept and love ourselves, it’s usually the mind thinking against us and the thoughts are not really true. The fact is, no matter what it is, we deserve our own unconditional love and acceptance. Yes, this is the truth. As you know, only when we can truly accept and love ourselves unconditionally, we can truly accept and love things and people around us. I invite you to see that the mind is not being truthful when it produces thoughts that are unkind to yourself…

    Please do not label yourself as “a violent, angry person”. You may have some difficulties or issues to deal with, but violence or anger is not who you are. Peace and love is deep inside all of us. Violence or anger is what the confused mind uses to try to cover up the peace and love deep within us. You can start to watch the mind and tame it or quiet it down. (Also, do not let what has happened in the past accumulate guilt in you.) You will see your beautiful true nature which is peace and love…

    Life situations can be stressful. All we can do is to do our best at this moment. If things work out, great; if not, we can do our next best thing at next moment - just one thing at a time. We can always keep on going by taking care of “this moment“ (by doing what we can do now)... You know you have what it takes to go through life - so long as you do not limit/fix your life that it has to be in a certain way. Suicide is definitely NOT the answer…

    Look into your son’s eyes…and feel the love…he must be like an angel...…for him now, feeling your love and you around him is probably (almost) his whole world...

    Wish you well and hugs :hug:
     
  5. wickedsick

    wickedsick Member

    hi Courtney
    Plz, try to keep you safe for your son...
    you have something to give you strenght, and we could try to help you
     
  6. Caster

    Caster Well-Known Member

    Your son would be devasted without you and it would severely affect him for the rest of his life....please keep fighting and stay strong hun. There's lots of support to be gotten here. I'm glad you're trying to find help for yourself. :console:
     
  7. Jonathan

    Jonathan Well-Known Member

    Courtney I have been suicidal for years now. The one thing I have learned is that others can't fix you, but you have to fix yourself. You have to change your way of thought. There is still that underlying problem, but seriously you need to do something for YOU. Do something that will make you happy and it will be those happy times which will make you want to live.
     
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