I don't know what to do.

[Screamingoutsilence]

So I don't particularly know what I'm doing, as I'm not used to asking for help. But I'm terrified of what I'm doing, so I thought I might.
I don't even know why I'm doing this. I just suddenly felt like shit and it turned into this. There's no real reason. So I feel a little ridiculous. But all I know is that I'm covered in blood and cuts, and I took some diet pills [Not enough to do anything too bad]. And I feel like dying, I really do. There have to be at LEAST one hundred cuts on my arm, and like ten on my leg. It doesn't even really hurt anymore.
But I told my boyfriend and my mom I wouldn't do this anymore. And it makes me feel even worse that I did it.
I'm just so fat and disgusting and pathetic and worthless. I'm not even good at starving. Doing nothing. And I can barely make myself go into public anymore, because why should everyone have to see me like this?
I just really, really want to die. And I'm scared.

 

[Little Wolf]

You have much to live for. Many people care about you, including myself. You shouldn't scar your body with negative emotions, that is not the answer. You told 2 people that you care for dearly that you would refrain from cutting yourself, so keep your word to them, you are a strong one. You shouldn't be hard on yourself about your physical appearance, all that matter is that you are a sweet and kind person. You have much to accomplish in this life, too much to throw away. Don't let death cross your mind any longer child, and do not let fear shackle you, for I am here for you when ever you need to talk. I can help you find your inner peace, just let me know how I can help you.

 

[jimk]

Sydney your mom and boyfriend care about you no matter what.. all the cuts on arms adn legs stand a high chance of leading to infection and bad stuff.. think you should tell bf and mom and probably see a doctor just in case.. hon i have done many stupid and bad things to myself.. think you could benefit from some good and competant mental health counseling.. ok first thought is probably going to be not me asshole.. answer is that it saved my life.. takes some time to start to talk and open up and do the work but is worth it..

in the meantime please do waht you can to stay safe .. post some more if you can.. we care and will talk with you.. take care please.. Jim

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi Sydney and welcome...as Jim said, please make sure you are safe and know there are people here who understand what you are going through in a non-judgemental way...the most important thing is that you get the care you need and have a place to feel supported...please let us know how you are

 

[Screamingoutsilence]

Thank you all so much for your support. I'm doing a little bit better, though the past few days have been really rough. My mom is sending me to therapy, and she wants me to go on antidepressants. She's limiting my time alone and forcing me to go out with friends at least once a day.
My boyfriend is a complete mess because he doesn't know what to do with me. And I don't know how to help him. I have an eating disorder, and every single time I eat something I feel like a failure and I get upset. He doesn't understand it and thinks it's ridiculous. It's the same with my cutting and depression, and when I get suicidal.
How do I help him?
Also, it's becoming like every day that I get REALLY depressed and I don't want to talk to anyone and I just lay in my bed for hours and stare at the ceiling. It used to be less often and less intense... It's just getting a lot worse.

What do I do?

 

[jimk]

Sydney anitdepressants can really help some people. takes at least a couple of weeks for them to get into one's system and maybe trying another one if frirst time is not successful.. thereapy with a good caring competnat therapist can do wonders also.. can be really good to have someone to try and let it all out with who is on your side.. if never done it before takes some time to get used to the situation. we got a depression and eating disorders forums on here.. take a look and see if you hit some notes in your beihg there. also have a self harm forum..

as for the boyfriend this is going to take some time also.. he probably done none of what you are going thru.. maybe talk to your therapist after this gets a going and see if you can bring him to one session and talk about you and him for the 50 minutes... hon, you started talking to us.. let's try to keep this going maybe in the forums i mentioned above.. take care, Jim