I don't know what to feel

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freedom87, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. Freedom87

    Freedom87 New Member

    I usually just browse around in these forums, I read people's post and empathize with them.
    I have gone through a lot just like most on this site. I need to share something because I feel like if I don't it's gonna kill me from the inside. I feel like the people on this site would understand me better then anyone. I am currently in counselling, which is going good, just started tho.
    So here I go
    So there is this person (she is my school instructor) I feel like I have a connection with her. I love being around her and I love learning from her. After a few months I started to be so interested that I started writing cards to her, friendship cards, caring cards. She loves them, ands says she totally appreciates me and is flattered by me.
    So recently I straight told her how I would love to be her friend, she didn't say no. She reacted quiet excited. By the end of the conversation we said we would soon hang out and do something together. I was so very excited after. It totally made my day.
    But since then it's feels different, I don't know if it actually is. I feel like she does not actually want to be around me. I don't know what to do about it. Because she is my instructor, I can't make it too weird, even tho I feel like I have already done so. Besides the cards I would just randomly email her, see how she is doing.
    I guess I want more in return, not presents or anything, but creating a better connection and friendship, if that's what she actually wanted.
    Well I better stop here and see if anyone would read this, there is so much more on my mind.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Jacqui, I am Jackie...sometimes when we are vunerable, a layer of discomfort fills us as we wonder if we have revealed too much, been inappropriate, etc. and it takes a while to feel on track again...maybe that is what is happening...probably it is best to let her take the lead now...also if she is your teacher, there might be other issues there which you are picking up...I hope you are treated kindly and that you know, in any relationship, the person is fortunate to be with you...please remember that
  3. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    "I don't know what to feel"

    I've never had success with relationships. That feeling that things have changed now you've gone to another level I can relate to. I would have to agree with Jackie and let the other person take a lead. I would be very wary now of becoming too attached too soon, and as said already, are there other issues to think about?
    You say there is so much more on your mind....get it out, write it down, talk to people. Whatever you do don't internalise it, that will only make it unreal and harder for you...

    my best wishes


  4. Freedom87

    Freedom87 New Member

    Thank you Jackie and terry
    I took your guys answer to hard and I will try my best to just let her take the lead. But it also scares me, I think I have already gotten quiet attached to her, it will be hard to just not.
    I just wanna be around her and get to know her better. I will have finished the program in December, I am hoping once I am done it will be different. If she would tell me that she doesn't want to be around me or not wanting to be my friend I could understand and deal with it, but I have a hard time dealing with the in between.
    I will have to talk more to my therapist about it I guess, I just don't want her to think I am a weirdo too.
    Thank you for listening