I don't know what to say any more.

[Matt93]

Literally the title says it. I'm getting to a point where I can't write much any more.

I'm contemplating leaving, so I can die. I'm young and apparently 'have the rest of my life ahead of me'.

That's not what I wanted to hear. Generic replies; is that how worthless I am? They can't even think of something original?

Lost for words.
The pain reaches too deep, it blocks my mind.

 

[Madam Mim]

Matthew, I don't know what I can say that will help, but you deserve more than cursory comments. Remember though, that so many people don't know what to say, or how to reach out to someone so lost.

I know how it feels to be so numb and alone, and to feel that no-one cares. But the thing is, people do care, even though it may not feel like it. You hide your pain, and people don't know how to cope with it, but they do love you.

Please don't leave. Keep talking to us, we understand and are here for you. It sounds like a generic line, but I mean what I say.

Mim

 

[Matt93]

Thanks Mim.

I don't know even what to write to explain why I feel this way, because... well, I know why, but I don't. If that makes sense, it's in my head, the reason, I know it's there somewhere, I just don't know where exactly

 

[Madam Mim]

That makes complete sense to me. It's how I feel all the time, I'm terrible at expressing myself. Luckily, most people here understand that, which helps.

Talking about your problems can be theraputic in itself, so keep trying. Once the problem has been identified, it immediately doesn't seem so bad.

Mim

 

[Matt93]

I'm normally very good at expressing myself, and explaining what's wrong. Just, lost for words.

You could say I'm partly scared to go back to college, because of one person. Because I fucked her up recently

I can't face her, which means I won't be able to even face my friends because she'll be there.

Through telling the truth, I just lost everything I had. (Bar my family, but I need my friends more than I need my family. It's a stupid thing to say, but it's true)

 

[Madam Mim]

That's always a horrible situation, and I wish I knew what to suggest. It's easy for us to try to hide away in the hope it'll avoid uncomfortable situations, but remember that, as unlikely as it seems, is won't be as bad as you imagine it will when you do see her.

In fact, it might even be better to make sure that you do run into her, at a time when you are ready for it and are prepared. Since it's inevitable that you will see her, why not make it on your terms?

And it totally makes sense to me about friends being more important than family. I am just the same.

Mim

 

[Matt93]

I'll attempt to.

Thanks for the advice Mim

 

[Madam Mim]

Let me know how it goes. Will be thinking of you. Good luck.

Mim